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Thursday, April 26, 2007


Annon;Doctor, I have a real problem with my brother...he believes he's a chicken..

doc: well, why don't you hand him over to the guys in the white coats...

Annon; no way, couldn't live without the eggs....

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Quesque ce que ca?

: Ca va bien?

: tout va bien ou quoi???

:Tu ne veux pas parler encore avec moi?

; non, tres mal. Tu n'a pas compris..Encore une fois...

Question is...this wednesday evening...if indeed...

...the cliche "Chase is better than the catch" got some truth to it?
I wonder who started using that one liner? Obviously a lilla lordag expert.
I went down the Avenyn tonite on the tram and watched the game begin as early as 17.00.
As I had a date for sushi I had an excuse not to join it and to be honest I'm useless at the game...
I know people who are really good at the game, good enough to work it anyway they want as long as they get what they want.
Maybe its just not been involved for so long that the idea to get off the tram and sit and wait just seems like a complete waste of effort.
back to the cliche though, I wonder what it's based around? Could it be such a classic chauvinist comment as to say the chase is cool, the intimacy is cool but to live with them is not fun due to ..?
Or , whats the say the comment wasn't started by woman. That would actually make sense in today's generation of woman now that the I in Independence is the same eye that scans for meat on the dance floor.
To date, I've never been through the "chase is better than the catch"..Maybe I anticipate which waters I should get my rod out and fish in..but in all honesty I can't recall having to throw one back in.I of course have been thrown back in, and of course that aint no fun..usually before they know what the catch is I suppose, or tell myself that is.
So, maybe it's time to get some advice from the experts. I've been given the following info today;
Your like me, people don't approach you, you look unapproachable...
and also
You've gotta get yourself out there and start off somewhere...
So basically we're looking at a worst case scenario of getting out there and not being ones self to try and ensure that one is approachable.Well, I'll keep you updated..
The mistake I make is I chase what I like which tends to be fairly one sided at the best of times.
So, I reckon if I wait around long enough someone may actually chase me...but then who knows , it may be a case of the chase was better than the catch.Catch 22. A compromise will have to be found.This stuff aint easy!
Well, its gonna have to wait a while anyway, I'm still in my process of getting over everything else and I reckon I'll know when the scars have healed as I'll get off the tram and join in the game.

Bad news.It's 23.00 and I've suddenly got a great urge to drink some masi.hmm outta stock!
Gonna have to get a bottle for tomorrow..
Morning started off real well, Cindy BG didn't sneer, in fact I got a smile.So maybe the day of the sneer went when the suntan arrived..strange..
Plus ca change, plus ca change pas!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Break thru to the other side

Having returned from France I sat in a lunch discussion where my Swedish counterparts all agreed that their fellow countrymen were ignorant and had no manners and that they had no conception of peoples space or integrity.In fact they had no idea about integrity...Ze times they are a changin'




Ever heard the expression about Cake.
If not then find it out yourself.
If you understand it then let me know, as I don't.
Something about baking the cake and not eating it. Not sure really, you can't have the cake and eat it.Or something like that.Not sure how it works.
Why would you want to keep the cake and not eat it.
Why would you bake a cake and not have the reason to eat it.

I'd like to thank a close friend for trying to make me realise the essence of the cake hypothesis but I'm afraid I've over analysed it and ended up with several diameters;
a) I have been a cake who has neither been baked, nor eaten nor left alone.
there is no b)

However, the next installment is that the Cake suddenly realises it has values and survives the humiliation factor of being used and yet not eaten.So the cake is no longer a cake, but instead like a moth, turns into a buttery fly and starts its one day existence.

I did say there would be a crypic whatchacallit mixed up in the laundry bag and here it is.
You see, the silence is the give away.
See silence in previous scripts. Enough is enough. As with everything in life its not about result but the performance that creates the result.The baking of the cake was spot on.Just forgot one thing in the mix...

You've got stuckin a moment and u can't get out of it!

No, it hasn't been a case of writers cramp, it's more a case of being stuck in a moment that I can't get out of!
Somethings just can't be put into words and especially promoted on a blogg.

Suffice to say the trip to Marseille was a welcome break away from business as usual where I wasn't the person who was expected to have all the answers plus the increase of pressure where results come in.
The only negative to going to Marseille was the fact that we had to sit inside working out ground values as opposed to being in the 20 plus degrees down at the beach! I got everything wrong anyway as I couldn't understand why the value of integrity would not be included on the list as well as honesty and the only word that really was taken as the word of the entire conference was respect. Quite ironic considering my circumstances to be honest.
Respect of course wasn't used when booking the rooms as I ended up sleeping with a bloke in a double bed with just the one cover..I did laugh though after the first night as I crawled into bed after one too many pastis as he asked me if I wanted a massage.
It kinda shows though how we blokes are, as nobody cared that we would all be in the marital suites and everybody put up.Probably knew we'd not be in any fit state after our evenings out on the strip.
Now, as I don't usually drink so much due to training I see an opportunity when a company is paying for the wine and beer.So a small clique of pro's got together and knocked back as much as we could muster before moving onto the harder stuff like tequila and bloody Marys.
Out of everyone who I would approach and talk too, to my surprise it was the air hostess from Spain that got the call.It can be, as they say, a very small world indeed and you can imagine my astonishment when I got on the return flight to be greeted by the same woman.The difference was in the hair.
The Ciggs were replaced by Cigarrillos and I was purchased a packet of condoms by a married member of the group but they seemed to have a rubber band on them as they never made my pocket.Yeah, like they were for me..As believable as the Gorilla suit, banana and live sex show..which was in fact very believable..
Saturdays workshop resembled a wake after several people had unknowingly purchased 2 litre "grande pression" rounds..At breakfast I felt like a Pate de Foie Goose as it seemed like I had to force feed myself. I managed to astonish the group by bringing up the Dalia Lama and do a stand up regarding the importance we people put on the wrong sides of what is important.It was quite nice to be rather patronised after with comments like , " we never knew you could ever actually be serious about anything"..I took that as a compliment as opposed to the majority of casket carriers..
In the time I was in Marseille I managed to witness two gang fights.Its a fine thread to exploding around there with two factions seeming to enjoy marking their pissing territory.That's all it was to be honest as opposed to gratuitous violence, maybe apart from somebodies head being attempted to pass through a glass screen.. I hung around on one just to ensure that one of the youngsters didn't get any trouble as that wouldn't have been right.The second fight was a different league of gang where everybody had been hitting the free weights and the CRS where called in as well as Beach security.Young testosterone at max with handcuffs finally been drawn by the deputy's..
Sunday was meant to be happy tourist walkabout so I found a park bench in the sun and crashed with the other local AA members. It was awesome, warm breeze and not a care in the world solving solutions that only come up in that relaxed state."Since I've been loving you" by Zepp on repeat and thats all you need for a couple of hours.The night before had been a 0400 job with a couple of workmates which ended up in a Unic pub which was probably one of the last of its kind in the centre of town, rough and ready and run by a retired working girl with an rather confident barman with popeye forearms.Sunday Morning was definitely a case of pissing gasoline after all the amber nectar.
Of course the french cuisine also made the trip rather special and the wine list would have made any eyebrow raise, which makes our carry out of three bottles of the local screw top covering rose, red and more rose very 3euro a bottle I think they syphoned the local drainage system. But in classic Swedish tradition we sat and syphoned the syrup like pre-study to a project of the doing the helicopter on the pub table..
Basically, the moral of the story is that if your getting three days away in Marseille and its pretty much paid for , you may as well let your hair down (if you have any) and enjoy yourself. It was real good to see that our clique embraced the idea whereas others deserved a straw, a wheelchair , a balloon and a handicapped toilet as they were so judgemental and dreary that not even a dosage of mustard on the starfish would have spooked life into their party.I felt rather sorry to watch people more than 10 years my younger unable to lighten up and drop the mask..
Would I go back? Sure I would, in fact the trip to Monaco is definitely on I reckon as it's just up the road as well as Nice.
The trip back started at 0400 in the morning and of course we were expected to work.
Gbg invited us back to the harsh reality of rain and overcast weather and once again the flat embraced me with the past couple of weeks adventures still reminding me that I'm still catching up since my two days of bad sushi.

I've gotta get myself together as I'm stuck in a moment and I can't get out of it.


Coming soon, Marseille, Game Over, cake med mera

K, things been really busy hence the lack of any scripts up here.
Suffice to say there is a backlog to be written and this will happen in the small wee hours tonite.

The reason has been a 3 day conference in Marseille.

So, I'll be looking at that, Game Over Cake as well as some confessions from the crypt we call work as well as a thorn in my pride..

Wednesday, April 18, 2007


Must be the weather, or maybe the trips and the company, maybe the rumour mill that certain persons are asking questions about my status and showing interest.
The days in the swamp are past and it's finally time to actually start concentrating on the Grand plan list.
This would include understanding the word "sorry" and when you should use it within the right context and to the right people who deserve hearing it.
Friends will be friends and it always surprises me that those friends that you can count on only a few fingers are the ones who can read you the best even through just reading the snippets on your blog. There are people who think they know your outward two dimensional personality but a few good men or woman who see you as to who you are and what your needs are.
I suppose it's all about caring, which makes the rest of lives relationships pretty transparent..

Age and responsibility seems to bring on new anxiety's regarding plans about building a family and running the model citizen existence.I actually do envy people who embrace this model of society and are genuinely happy to live the simple lifestyle.For those of you who missed the boat then I'll join you for a coffee.The rest can do the 9 to 5 and ensure they're in the sofa for "mamma's stories" which churn out the idealistic society dream.
Ever noticed that more people tend to enjoy British programs and films than their American equivalents. That's because the Brits tend to be more realistic than their American cousins.
This in my opinion can actually effect an entire nation.Think about it.Feed the machine.

Ever really fucked up? I mean , really fucked up a situation? They make you cringe when your alone and you remember them.I have one about climbing up a balcony to get into the balcony door and then killing an ironing board with one punch as I felt sorry for myself that I'd dumped a girlfriend and she'd moved on. Cringe..but isn't that typical.

Why is it when your in a relationship you tend to have more opportunities with other woman than when your single? Is it the desperation that's so transparent? Problem is if your not desperate then you don't meet anyone , so after a while the desperation sinks in and you end up in the same place and get nothing anyway.I wonder what the odds are that you actually meet someone who you could be happy with for the rest of your life? Is it all about compromise? I don't think so, it should be worked at but at the same time it should flow.The silence when a couple sit in a living room and read their respective books is as important as the lack of it.
When you get in that comfort zone you should embrace it and neglect the neighbours grass. Sometimes its a rubbish tip as opposed to a bowling green.

Everybody has issues.Too short, too tall,too fat, too skinny, too shy, too overbearing and the list goes on and on and on. Some people actually do something about it to drastic measures whilst others are content- or play on the fact that they are. What would you change if you could. That's always a good chat to have after a couple of bottles of wine and some whiskey and more importantly why? Sometimes people tell you things at a tender age and they change you for life.
When I was 14 my girlfriend at the time ( a 6 year affair) told me that when you kiss you know your doing wrong if your mouth or lips get wet...That left its mark for over 15 years...
During a 7 month break I met who I believed was the love of my life (at the tender age of 19) who left me without telling me why.It took two years before I knew the truth as to why and as it turned out I wasn't a good enough looker for her (she boxed in a higher class..). That scar still bleeds.

You see, the cliches are there are one liners and experiences that are put into words that are used so often they become a cliche. We tend to beat ourselves up pretty bad and cliches are useful to take a step up.
My favorite which I added some text too (or which came from some source which I can't remember) is the one about time heals all emotional scars. I would add that that depends on how deep the wound is, as some scars open up now again as they never heal.

Anyway, things are really good just now. Just writing some random stuff, no need to call the paramedics. In fact I haven't been this happy for a while so I hope I can stay in this zone.
However, just as the see-saw of life gets up on one end you know the other end goes down, that's the nature of things. Moving towards the centre would make life easier but less interesting, so better to live at the end of the beam and deal with the see-saw effects. As I'm heading up some very serious issues are happening elsewhere that require a lot of support before anything else gets in the way.Somebody needs me more than ever and its a soul searching exercise as usual and a guilt trip.

Next up though, a trip to Paris perhaps to stand under a floodlit Eiffel tower in the rain without caring. Or how about a European tour in a fast car with somebody you never get bored of sharing time with and who doesn't have a music preference that makes you want to get out of the car.
Or maybe just that comfort zone silence when you know your sharing time with the right person who is secure within themselves.

Before then though I have a bag to pack again and ´some decisions to make that will leave memories for others for the rest of their lives. Sometimes you forget how much you can also leave to others.It's a huge responsibility as you don't want to disappoint.

Life is as difficult as you make it. See you for that coffee, we'll wave the boat off.
Feels like I've moved into the same village from "A hundred years of solitude" and my neighbour is Woody Allen whose reading his new script called "Awkward".

If this has also come across in a similar way as the book mentioned above don't worry, I never read over what I've already written so the moment has gone.
Keep in mind, the eyes are the windows of the soul. Thats good insurance anyway.


intensities in 10 cities..

Thats the plan.
So far it's been London, Basel,Belgrade and this weekend Marseille.I'm sounding like an advert for something but missing the Paris and New York.
New York will happen in June hopefully and Paris will be before then if at all possible.
Looking around at weekend away trips and its a three day affair...
Still, missing Biarritz and Madrid are a bit of a miss but what the heck, 'll have to find out other offers.

Tour T-shirts on their way announcing the world tour as well as;

"she walked in looking like Madonna and walked out like Seb Macabe"..but thats another story..

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Baise Moi emptys Fika...

Last but not least, a tip on emptying fika..

Everybody has a tendency of sitting around and discussing their latest and favorite film.
Well...I mentioned that if they wanted to watch a rather special film they could watch "Baise Moi" which won awards at the Cannes film festival.
What makes this film rather special is the fact that all the scenes involving sex of a "real" nature, from blowing to sewing are filmed close up and performed by the actors and actresses in what is a good story line.
When I first watched the film (and not as to give the plot away..for there is a genuine plot and good script) I was rather surprised at the first rape scene..
This only evolved into a film that you must NEVER watch with your parents on a sunday afternoon as things get really XXX and a scene for all movie lovers is of course when our two gangster men haters take two men back to their hotel room and give it hell for leather, but once finished the main actress asks her guy to leave as he is too small and takes her mates Stallion instead for round two and a sore walk around the paddock...

So, unless you want to keep trying to get mum to get some more crumpets or cups of tea I'd suggest watching this as a lonesome or with a girl who appreciates that style of culture.
It is a memory as you can't get your head around the fact that its all so very real..

Anyway, as I discussed my facsination with the film I realised I was alone and being rejected by Mr and Mrs "disney films" are good..

Now then, more coffee anyone...


You write to one,
And sometimes you write to all,
Sometimes you even write to none,
And thats usually when you fall.

No idea why I wrote the above or to who,
But now its done,
And thats all the fun,
Of course you can litigate and sue!

Obviously I'm finally loosing all the marbles. Doesn't really help when I waste an entire evening driving myself into frustration watching the silence of 20 people having a run out on some pitch.
Silence.An interesting concept that can also bring fear.The silence that makes a mother start wondering whats happening when the noise from her childrens room falls deathly quiet.That will start the blood pumping..

Or..the Silence of the Lambs...
First time I watched that movie I didn't find that it left its mark until months later when I found myself entertaining a lassie on a fairly deserted island out in the middle of now where.
The rain lashed down and the wind made the stugas windows creak as we sat inside drinking some potatoe syrup and basically having a relaxed nice time. Candles flickered as wind crept through the timber and all of a sudden a flash lit up the entire room. The storm had picked up and lightening lit up Gods ceiling of stars. Silence followed by a quick glance at a window.
-I think I saw something looking in the window..
the hairs suddenly stood erect on the back of my neck..
Silence and a two frozen corpse waiting for the next flash to see if it was a vision..
And just as we both lay there, neither of us having the courage to move a muscle, it happened.
A moth...similar in design to the one in the Silence of the lambs, flew around us and within the next flash had disappeared..
A great fear and screams followed as suddenly we were both convinced that this was an omen and that soon enough we would also be a size 52 skin suit...Usch...

The rest of the evening wasn't the same, the candles were deemed not bright enough and every available lamp was switched on. It came to the point where I was asked to go outside and all good horror movies I started looking for the guy you know is gonna die first as he's had not much to say (maybe they should start killing off the main parts first,,) but without finding a suitable candidate decided it was best not to go outside in the storm and pretend to be "the guy with no lines"...

A moth had ruined the moment.The power of suggestion and the script writers..Dammit!

Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer..had a very shiny nose etc..

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade,
your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange,
a walk on part in the war,
for a lead role in a cage?

We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found? The same old fears.

ramblings of a confused confucious....

Players..And I’m not talking about about the type involved in sport.
If you wear your heart on your sleeve you pay the price for sure, or on the other hand you get results as you don’t have to wear rubber boots to avoid the bullshit coming up to the knees.
Whatever you do always comes back to haunt if your playing the options game and once again the only way to know this is to grow a wee bit older and experience it thru making the mistakes.
The options game is the best though. Keep stacking up the chips and hope they don’t all fall down and leave you busted.So at the end of the day our left with one of the players on the same ground as you have been, or not asthe case may be.
The answer to this is of course massive insecurity. On the other hand it’s good feedback and an ego rubbing exercise.
Question is , can anything serious come out of it? I suppose it depends on what your after and at what lengths your willing to go to achieve an ego boosting result based on the game as opposed to genuine reason and feelings.
I’d love to be able to juggle the feelings of others until I drop them one by one and then when I get worried and insecure as I'm starting to be left with only one option I do one of two things, pick up the juggling balls again and try and keep going or sit back and wait for the last one I've got to realise the transparency.

Part II: Go back or not?
Ever had a partnership that you went back too that worked ?
It can work right? I mean, I’m a wee bit of a cynic but I have to be able to believe that people can change enough to be able to start understanding the understanding-right?
Basically it’s bloody hard work-
Should it be hard work?
Everybody is his/her own person. Is there someone out there who has it all? Yesterday a lady friend said-good luck to that.The perfect person doesn’t exist. Pretty negative as everybody has their own opinion of what that person would be.
But maybe that’s what has happened over the generations! The divorce rate has increased and fewer people are getting married for love, more for tax reasons or pregnancy (not in Scandinavia).So maybe people started not putting up with putting and shutting up like past generations who lived in a much stricter structure based more on social culture as well as religion, well that was on the front side anyway.
Media has transformed a lot as well as other info sights and now of course you date and get dumped by other means than face to face as its easier and a lot more convenient. Thats basically what everything has become, more convenient and yet at the same time now and again you hear about dreams and success stories which still keeps the dream going, problem is it's usually in the form of a film...
Okay, foot off the gas. Lighten up buddy, drop the form and just get out there and see whats happening. I’ve been outa this for too long so it’s perhaps time to get out and see where we are and do some investigating to see how far the envelope can be pushed. Problem is I’m kinda old fashioned but maybe could do some interviews with a vampire...

So whats this all about, well nothing and everything infact. Bored perhaps and just let the keys get outta hand.Sometimes when the grey cells get overloaded the writers cramp and logical speel goes out the window..
So whatever , make of it what you want, the mind is lost and once found will be back on trax..

Monday, April 16, 2007

Monday night

Fight club...nuff said..

Basically friday to sunday has been an adventure to Serbia.
More scarey flights but this time compounded with the closest feeling I've ever experienced to dying in a plane crash , upon landing the Jat pilot seemed to over do the speed and the plane hit the tarmac so hard that the old bird lifted off the ground again and twisted so the tip of the wing nearly touched the tarmac...pass me the vicadon..

As usual the weekend was filled with tight schedules so there isn't much to write about as most of the time is taken by the match plan schedule.
However, if there was one positive it would definitly be in the shallow stakes, and that is that Serbian woman, indeed woman from that region are very good looking in general and as I described to the party I was with , the way their legs went way past my ears got me remembering animal planet and horse births where you see the long legs getting stripped out first.Quite incredible and a frightening thought that on saturday evening around 30 of us would be heading out into the night clubs of Belgrade.

Its always an interesting experience to head to country with a language you simply do not understand. Kinda booje booje micky of the language went down quite well...
It seems one of the favorite pastimes in the night clubs is to buy someone a drink a see them drop off their chair as they get robbed..This was what happened to five Danish players who had been drugged and robbed and had a hell of a time getting home. The only question I had was wether they still had their trousers up when they woke up...

There were several special moments on the trip .They do ensure that everything is done well and proper so when they asked at the hotel if we wanted a bannana after lunch we didn't quite expect a beautifully prepared plate wrapped in a white knapkin with a bannana on top and given by waiters with a classy flick around the back..

At 25 degrees it was nice weather but not so nice that we were stuck in the metropolis of Belgrade where the word Cat/exhaust and modern car doesn't exist, so the stench is pretty harsh to get used too and sitting outside sipping the local "turkish" coffee was a case of "must" smoke to simply ensure minimizing lead poisoning..
Despite there being a Macdonalds just up from Hotel Prague I don't think anybody tried out the goatsmilkshake, they're usually warm. You just can't get rid of that restaturant with its silly M sign and pedo clown spoiling the nations "dagens rätt".

The nightclubbing was a short affair for myself and others as we went to seek food and ended up with the biggest home made hamburgers ever. The only question was what was the meat..somebody did mention that they hadn't seen a cow at any point during any of the bus trips..didnt seem to matter as by this time we had enough of the local syrup and vodka to mix up with some local scran.

All in all an interesting insight to a country whose name you normally assimilate with Bosnia and death camps.These people have been through a lot and survived, the left overs from the war are there to be seen and it is full credit that they have come through the other side.
One thing that reminded me of Romania is the constant "dusty" look of everything.As well as the rotten looking concrete that looks as if its so cheap it couldn't hold up a wall. All very eastern block and mixed up with the heat and the smells its a familiar sight.

The flight back wasn't as eventful , via Dusseldorf it was asign of relief to fly Lufthansa..except for the 35 minute delay of course.

But once again you end up in the reality of the empty flat, some dishes still adorn the sink and bring back memories, basically a flat you can see has been left in a hurry, the smell of kids apple shampoo and S.M and once again its time to turn a page.The Cd player is still open and where once a bob dylan cd played class is replaced by Pink Floyd.
Yep, three days away after being sick on Bad Sushi and it seems an enternity since I was sitting on the sofa and writing.
This friday and a trip to Marseille beckons.Now that the tan has already started it will be compounded by three days in the first arab stage of the Paris to Dakar..


Thursday, April 12, 2007


....things are actually fairly obvious.
So how come certain people can't see what is so obvious?

Kinda stoopid...

Must have been...

..the bad sushi...

Been off a few days. Bad sushi, I think so anyway.
The earth keeps rotating whatever comes my way, and having a smile on your face is worth more than you think when things get tough.But things have been really great so no need to get a foot in the emotional swamp. Live for the present as I keep saying.Thats no so stoopid..

Another trip tomorrow to Serbia and Belgrade. Hopefully once again there will be the travellers tails that so often are written on these pages.Talking of pages, the corner is now being turned finally (well, trying to anyway) but it's been tougher than I envisaged. Not quite there but surely on the way.
The Bad sushi left its mark in more ways than one, strange hallucinations of fully covered tattooed men becoming over familiar, Wish U were here played by an irish duo, exoctic picnics with the view of a "sea of carports" and visions of such gorgeous woman and just one look would drive a man to drink bacardi breezers!Weird and wonderful and like all dreams they come to an end and you wonder what the hell that was all about!And all down to a plate of raw mackeril on rice.

So now its time to look ahead to the next three days. Still don't feel so good and indeed the Matyr träsket feeling is very strong since the bad Sushi.YeYe Whatever!

Friday, April 6, 2007

Easter, basketball and Southpark....

For the first time in a long time Easter has been just the three J's, myself and my two sons.
It is always a wee bit of a gang feeling when we hang out and it is always interesting seeing them grow up into tweenys and the change that comes with it.

Also the understanding of their generation which is paramount for the child to parent relationship. Too often parents try and make their kids be like they were back in 19oatcake and it simply ends in rebellion and silver paper and syringe or bottles of homebrew...
We've been out hitting some loops on the basket court which always ends in somebody throwing a tantrum and it all ends up in a mess..c'est la vie. I of course try every coaching trick in the book but it doesn't work so easy on your own kids...."Visst pappa, säkert..typ"
The biggest laugh of the day was their description of the south park edition where they tried to get an elephant and a pig to mate. After several minutes and nothing happening the kids start boozing up the animals and Chef sings one of his love songs which gets the pig and elephant going at it...sounds like the Aveyn at closing time...getting this from a 9 and 11 year old is priceless..
then I got an entire rendition of dirty sanchez, jackass and Viva la bam. yep, the mtv generation indeed and not forgetting an entire books worth of "ya mamma sucks cos'..".
A cold chill ran through the veins when I mentioned the fact that they shouldn't try and staple something through their testicles and they mentioned they had done their own version of Dirty sanchez...I didn't ask anymore...

Weird thing that they have gone through, they have already had girlfriends a week at a time but then they went through the "we can't stand them they're from Venus" ideology and now I can see they actually take a second stare at the lassies...Strange that things go full circle even up to adulthood as I reckon they're from Venus as well..

Well its gonna be a tough day tomorrow as once again i return to base camp and leave my summit behind but that's my call and they understand. Today I negotiated the possibilities of a trip far away to another galaxy with them and they nodded and said no problem as long as it wasn't a country with reptiles and snakes or dangerous animals...and they watch MTV???

So all in all an undramatic Easter break but filled with "da Boyz". I got some masi and a book as a present as well which will help when I once again return to an empty flat. Books have become a rather important filler of the void just now which is pleasant in one way but detrimental in another. Obviously the social competence which has already been attacked is at an old time low. That's the way the bow breaks I suppose.All I need now is to ensure the musical instrument comes into the scene and goodbye cruel world.

Anyway, som sagt, c'est la vie. Now to start looking at countries without dangerous animals and for once perhaps at looking at finally starting a chapter which doesn't require so much "intensity" but wherein one can simply lay back and get on.
Sometimes life is indeed a "beach" and I'm not on it!..pass me the sunblock and move over!

Best letter of the month read in SOLO(Nr 8 August 06 sida 16), a girlies magazine reads:
Vad är en anal plugg?
Fråga: jag har hört talas om analpluggar och undrar vilken funktion de fyller.Är de värda att testa?
Mimmi 28år (?)

!!!!funktion de fyller!!!!???????????

see ya on the beach,


NB: since this was published I mentioned this at work and several people didn't actually know what an anal plugg was or what function its required for...

God bless ya..

best a luck..

2 part question:
Question: What is the most phenomenal man made object in the world that can be seen from space? and..

After years of remaining unbreached what was the reason for it's failing?

It's the nature of things I'm afraid.

The nature of reality..the essential gonzo67, provocative thoughts?..

During my trip I was surrounded by a bunch of electronic gadgets for media and sound, pens and paper but none of that left a mark as well as a banana..
You see, in the middle of this reality that I have written about previously I found myself pretty hungry and I'd taken a couple of bananas from work as the office would be closed over Easter.

I paused the game and used the time to change the minidisc. I took up one of the bananas and noticed how soft and brown it was. What happened next was a dawning on reality.
You see, in the past i would never have eaten that banana. I would have thrown it or left it and taken a more ripe banana. And it was this thought that suddenly dawned on just how spoilt we / I have been. And with that came a realization that this applies to many things that we / I have taken for granted and when you hear about the mountains of food excesses that get lost on a daily basis you do start understand that it has to start with the individual.
This may sound simple, but in this very case it was my own reflection and confession to myself and of course realisation that i wouldn't have eaten that banana if I'd had another choice. Some people don't even have one option.they starve.Who am I to have the right to be so spoilt?
So for the first time ever, no joke, I ate an over ripe banana and in that moment felt a step forward in my understanding of understanding.

I know.I have written before regarding human relationships the necessity of understanding the understanding and to try and take this one step further one must consider intellectual and Experiential understanding.There is a huge difference.
intellectual understanding is the more superficial within our society and is based on how much one has read, studied and basically reason arguments of superficial understanding.
The experiential understanding is harder to develop (banana is a good sit.) but is deeper and comes from positive qualities from within ourselves.There are a lot of emotions and feelings around this level of understanding and as we know both can be very destructive, so to reach that deeper experiential level which takes a lot of self reflection and practice, you also find that it can only come with experience(s) and time which of course cannot be rushed.

I would be the first to admit that I still see myself as being a young person for my human number in years and having left home at the age of 15 has had many experiences, which is why i find it so positive that even now I can be sitting on my own in a train with gadgets and a banana and have a dawning and sudden understanding for the first time.

As I wrote, it all starts within ourselves and perhaps the present phase, as the future is an unknown quantity (and I'd rather concentrate on the journey) will be a massive turning point and bring something new and positive to the table.
On the other hand, perhaps I had to eat the banana as i had no cash and couldn't be bothered using my card at the over priced bistro...


Travelling once more...

...and yes, although its rather far fetched the journey was a blog extract more than simply stating the destination.
This time it was the x2000 as opposed to flying, now that Fly Me went bankrupt the cheapo tickets are gone..
However, I felt I had enough to be getting on with on the would you believe it..a screamer in the same quiet wagon, a creeping screamer..
Of course, everything started out nice and cute, with comments like ;

"ahhhh, cute little boy, go on, ahhhh, creeping cute...ahhh"

Amateurs.They didn't realise it was only time before the "fall", the "bumped head" or feeding time and over tired..and so it came..and the mood changed with it.
In front of me sat a girl who had opened her own hair salon and moved to Göteborg.She was heading to Uppsala to meet up with her dog that she left at her parents, and her last nearly date let her down and...and...and -DO I REALLY NEED TO HEAR THIS!!!!!! This person talked non stop for all to hear on her mobile for hours..And I'm not entirely sure, but i got the impression that the girl beside her took up her side arm and talked to someone just to make a point..

The noise level was incredible if you actually made a point of trying to just listen to the white noise around.Plan B I felt.
I'd borrowed a PSP and with "ridge rider" car racing game and my mini disc running Ministry of Sound techno I got lost in the modern world of gimmicks.
Although this got me away from the general public white noise it brought something else into the equation.
Due to the fact that I have a one point in my life being a motorcycle road racer i take racing lines, late breaking , in slow and out fast and all the rest that goes with speed, way too serious! So I found myself racing with a Nissan Skyline turbo and getting over excited with noise effects and of course Scottish running;
"fucks sake, no frikken way, a cumon ya bastard, move, NOOOOOOOO!, got ya,ihihihih,muhaha, whatEvaaa... etc....."and of course after couple of first places i suddenly realised I was not alone in my Ridge rider game..As I crossed the line first with shaking hands and sore wrists I looked around to see if anyone else had realised just how awesome I'd been over taking the leader on the last lap....It was at this point I realised people had now shifted their annoyance from the screamer to me....ooops...
So game off, out with Moleskin and change to led Zepp. Time to work out some algos with regards to stopping the M.R in two weeks..

A change of trains came and another fascinating insight into the new generation. This was a regional train and just left and across from me sat two young(?) and half drunk ladies who had a smog surrounding them which made the place smell like a Turkish hurrhoose. They had a kinda ball gown / mix of clothes showing bareback and smeared creams on, sprayed hair and basically preened themselves for 4o minutes. Ok, sure, fine and whatever, but it was their conversation that left a wee mark. These young fillies we're discussing sex. But not just sex sex, they were discussing how woman had a harder time to improve their sexual performance to men, as men just have to "kör fullt ut prestation och blir nöjd..", however there were these funny balls you could put up yourself and train up and "knip" and one knew a girl who had a problem and on and on and on...emmm okaaayyy...I have to say I was rather surprised to just how open they discussed things as they did, and I was also very close in actually getting involved to ask them if they really knew anything about sex, men , prestation or inform them of what the name of "those" balls were called..yeye, they're young, so let them find out for themselves..

Once again though travelling opens up new horizons in understanding who is out there, where you and I are and where are we going. I find it interesting and once again that's just the journey!

Happy Easter!

...from a self confessed Binger...
this is post 101 and I'd like to wish all those who read my blog , good times and a nice holiday.
Easter is the time of chocolate and sweets, more chocolate and even more sweets.
Once again I received my U.K rations in the form of eggs and chocolate that has ingredients so lethal that if you read the label you have a hard time pronouncing the chemical names that make up "Funny Bunnys delicious Yoke filled Chemical warfare Easter eggs.."- suffice to say they were finished within 10 minutes..
If you have read this blog long enough you'll have seen a tendency of living pretty simple and training more than eating the finest foods around. However, what I haven't mentioned is this is all done to me being a binger. If its available it's finished within the hour.One of those nasty types that once they hold a godis påse its a never ending rustle until they're finished. I used to get asked to" breath" as the sweets were going in so quickly you'd never know..
So to resist this across the board I refrain from stocking anything.It's the same with just about everything.
Dangerous items would include a box of tax free ciggs, gone within the week..
Crisps, sweets, ice-cream , in fact anything with sugar gone once opened.
Most gross to watch is me gnawing through a 200 gram Malibu chocolate bar.
Beer, wine, booze can also be in the dangerous zone if I'm in the mood, but the only positive is that I don't really drink so much.When I do and its freely available..oh dear
Orange juice, Grapefruit juice,tomato juice and of course the most ultimate juice of all time, V8 has basically not a chance of not being finished in its entirety immediately.

To minimise this disgusting gluttony I refrain from having it at home. Otherwise its weak character and gone.
Easter, X-mas and other festive celebrations usually requires some extra training as the binging and gluttony is extreme.I suppose it's a positive if you aware of your bad side...

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

The day of the "Sneer" and failing in the dish chore

"Well, You Wore Out Your Welcome With Random Precision"........

Today did not start out so well. I'll script this episode;

07,05 I make my down to the bus stop feeling rather "all that" now that I have got my warmer clothes gear on....
07.07 Standing alone at bus stop having decided not to run for the 160 to Central station as I didn't want to look uncool if I'd missed it...I do have to face these people everyday..
07.09 Whilst standing in the bus shelter I get joined by a certain person mentioned previously on this site..
07.09.30 secs I have a quick deek
07.09 31 secs ´I get the up and down look followed by a frikken sneer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
07.09 32 secs I try and evaporate into thin self esteem gets lower than a limbo dancer with a snapped vertebrae..
The bloody cheek! Just 'cos I don't take 2 hours to perfume my garden doesn't mean I deserve a frikken sneer..should have known by the perfection look..dammit.whateeeeeeever...

This didn't take the shine off my day regardless. I suggested the office should go out to the Golf range.It's a gas if you have never tried it. Of course coming from the country where gold was actually invented for the common man it's still hard to believe a game about a stick and a ball has such become the leader in trying to be something it was never meant to be. If you forget about most of the ham shanks who use it as a way of advancement or deals, or simply as they want to wear the latest "all that" and buy some graphite sticks then its actually a lot of fun to hit balls on a range and see who hits the furthest. I'm game anyway.Its really relaxing in the summer.

After work and I met up with the TV report that did a piece about me last year. We had a good chat and she may sort out a film crew for a senior national men's test in May. Apparently I was made for the screen, well this is what I'm told by people..(not sure about their dog and stick though..)

Wednesday was the cleaning up day of course.And its about time. The problem with all the short trips across the country or abroad is the fact that things start building up without you noticing until it's too late. Suddenly your going away again and you have around 5 full loads of laundry, no white shirts left and the tie is under all the rest of the clothes that you first covered the bed with but then , once tired, moved them onto the bed and all over the shop.It is now at the point that I wouldn't invite anyone up , or not without locking the bedroom door!

And then I have my infamous and completely useless way of "dealing" with the dishes. It usually starts with 1 coffee mug in the sink which I fill with water before running out to catch a cab to the airport or bus to work depending on schedule.Then I get back tired and add a plate, deep or flat and another mug and fill the sink with boiling hot water, too hot for human hand, in order to "prepare" the dishing and ensure the the grease comes off.
Problem is that's when I forget about it and leave it.
Next day comes and the water is cold...and I add the breakfast mug and plates..empty the water to stop the malaria and refill with boiling water with the intention to do them later...
Then I get home, change and go for a run, get back, shower and fall on the sofa and listen to music.The water is once again cold and I'm knackered and not in the guess what,I empty and refill again and this goes on and on until about tonight when I realise if I don't do them I'll probably catch malaria...
So, at around 12.00 tonite I will finally attack the dishes...or will it be a refill...
I honestly believe I'm the only person in the world to have just about finished a YES bottle without actually washing the frikken dishes...and I wonder why she couldn't deal with it..
The ultimate irony is that I actually gave away a bench dishwasher as I felt it was a waste of time and money as I didn't have enough dish to justify using it...

So once the rest of the house "chores" (sounds like Cindafrikkenrella") were done I headed off for some rehab at the keso/Chicken/Coffee Bar, aka the gym.

The end of the day reared its ugly head.yes, once again in the face of attrition I received the second sneer. Unbelievable. I don't even wanna discuss it...It ain't the first of April so it ain't no Aprils fool.

Well, whatEvA, I suppose. The earth still rotates, Aliens haven't attacked (although the sneers would suggest something else..) and life is full of expectations.


"On the turning away from the pale and down trodden"

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Your time and good news...Snippets

But first, the news.
Today is the first day of a new chapter!
Some fresh air was released from a rather polluted situation which has really turned on a more positive feeling. At the same time there is some good times and news from the trilingual sitter*.

Once again the subject of space and time came up in another situation and one thing one should never forget is despite the fact that you can't stop the small hands ticking in time or the sand running through an hour glass (times of our lives, too much unemployed day time tv...) you DO actually control what you do within the hours, minutes and nano seconds of your life.

Carpe Diem has of course become an integral part in our everyday lives as a fridge magnet....
But there is a truth in "seizing the day" and trying to actually use the time you have to good purpose.
The reason I say this is basically down to the fact that we can waste so much time and effort on issues that are basically pointless. I do generalise of course but I still feel that we can simply waste so much time and become miserable in situations for far too long as we don't self reflect quickly enough to realise just how much more we could be getting on with.

I have been in similar situations and with hindsight I regret wasting so much energy. Hindsight is of course always a lucky number and gives positive results a lot of the time.
I wrote recently the importance of living in the present.

One anxiety attack that I feel many people have is the golden question of what they have as a goal.This can be very frightening when facing this question.
How about the following:
Without a goal your journey has no direction and you will just walk around in happens (9 outta 10 people) if you hear this and you can't actually decide on a goal that you want. Or if you let fate lead you. It's all rather scary and stress hormones tend to be released which of course means your DNA sand runs quicker..
Being involved in projects I would suggest having similar milestone goals leading up to the eventual finale. If you have to have a blueprint, a map, a plan then maybe short term and long term and we'll meet half way in the middle is the better way to approach this? Not as hectic and doesn't make you feel like a loser for not having a "Plan" or a finale "Goal".
I have been informed without these goals then planning goes out of the window..There is some truth in this, as how can you plan when you have no goal. Its like getting into a car and starting to drive without having a destination sorted out.Eventually your gonna run out of gas and end up in the middle of a forest perhaps...scary
Now, on the other hand maybe its not the journey that's of any interest, maybe its the journey that's more fun, how you drive the corners, the speed etc...Maybe the destination is a police station... Its the actual driving time that's more fun.
Perhaps this necessity of planning and finalising your goal is another society demand within the structure that we never asked for but that engulfs us, making it "the right way"... just like spending years of your life at school at a young age and never using what you learnt there to any use at all when it came to living a life in the common sense lane.

So, what is it, the journey or the destination.

Don't ask me, ask yourself.


Monday, April 2, 2007

Leapfroggin'n central Europe-La Suisse

Well another evening of "How to make 20 recipes of how to make keso/chicken fillet" is the tip as to where I've been for 40 minutes this evening.
Grunters and munters...

Anyway, just back from a wee trip to Basel in Switzerland. Always nice to get a wee weekend trip away on official spy business ( I wonder if this gets picked up by CIA covert operations if I write Spy? hmm, lets try Bin Ladin! This blog is now being probably read by an oversizer eating a muffin and donut the size of Switzerland in a hidden Cia Covert Operations server farm.Cool!).
Calm down fatboy Slim, I was just over watching a match. I'm not very conspicuous and after the game was herded into the Vip room , meeting up with a bunch of ex-scottish pats who sponsored the entire Basel Junior squad. Good times indeed.

As I was on official business I did laugh when my first flight had me with a window seat with a pleasant view of a red SAS jet engine that had enough noise and vibration to remind you what thrust was about. It's always a wee bit embarrassing getting "that" seat 'cos unlike getting a Justnu 2'an ticket on the X2000 where you mix it up with the suits, "That" seat just lets everybody know they just about had to pay you to accept the ticket.
So, if you ever get seat 32 D, wear earplugs and buy dark glasses.Don't worry though, even if you have screaming babys around you wont hear them.
Luckily Gbg to Copenhagen is only a 25 minute flight so it was over soon enough. But I ask you, whats all this nonsense about everything has to be removed from in front of your seat, you can't keep your jacket, all electronic items off especially telephones. I cannot understand how my minidisk is gonna effect the flight, is it another terrorist idea that we may trigger the bombs in all the shoes and belts that got thru the scanner?And of course we still get to see where the exits are, just in case we crash...and if we survive the crash (cos that happens often) and just out of pure luck land in the water we still have a chance of survival by calmly putting on the life vest NOT forgetting the fact that if it doesn't actually fill with air well you pull the chord you can still manually blow it up that scenario I would love to see...false hope u see, cos basically I reckon your fucked and I'd rather be listening to Pink Floyd "Us and Them" and trying to phone up somebody to tell them how Stoopid they really r, than clearing the lungs just in case the vest doesn't fact, sod that I'd have to be charged for lighting up a cigarette on a plane, a serious offence even in the toilets! I love that, when they say,
"And SAS would just like to remind you that all SAS flights are non-smoking.And that includes the toilet"...Its almost tempting to try and get away with a wee smoke in the bog to see if anyway would the whole plane would notice!!!!

Anyway, my luck was to change on the flight from Copenhagen to Basel. I sat with a delightful young woman who wanted to become an actress and who did contemporary dancing. The conversation I'm sure would have flowed better if it were for just two small hiccups.
1.The screaming baby sitting in the seat straight behind "öron barn" I believe...
2.She was Danish. I think I at the last count I was up to around 5o with "sorry, didn't quite understand that last sentence"...

Ah but what the hell, here we go, back to the land of my birth with a bit of Swiss German mixed in.As already mentioned elsewhere I hadn't been in Basel since '85 and that was for the Rolling Stones.
First thing I noticed was the passion of using the horn.Everybody blasts their car horns at the slightest. The trip wasn't long but the taxi driver must have been in "Anger Management"...

Hotel was bang in the Centre and I met up with the team manager in the bar of course. Down to business straight away.Main Observation was that every male under or around thirty had a gold earring in their right ear..hmm
Switzerland is a country of cliches in a sense. Well, Basel was anyway. It felt like every third shop was selling Davidoff cigars , Mont Blanc pens and exquisite lighters. And the only shops that out numbered these were the watch shops. Swiss watches are of course famous but we're talking watches that you have never heard of before,special edition pens and watches with diamonds and of course a country of Haute couture . To see Astons, Maseratis and other top quality cars just adds to the experience and yet its perfectly normal in Switzerland and dare I say expected. I had forgotten about this as I hadn't been there for so long.

The Swedish kronor is weak at the moment so brunch was hitting the 120 mark for not so very much and I have to say the best meal of the day was the hotel breakfast which was a buffet of smoked salmon, viande seche , smoked ham and other trimmings. That kept us at the breakfast table for several hours and if you wanted sparkling wine you could have that as well. Very Swiss and very civilised, a big difference to the Skandic equivalent of meatballs, prins korv, bacon and scrambled egg and of course Calles Kaviar ( although many of those have been finished as well..)

We took a long walk around the city and managed to not only get lost but nearly missed the match.Not surprisingly we ended up at Basel zoo...Of course another irony are the trams. Coming from the rather mix and match of the trams of Gbg with that exclusive stench they sometimes carry we marvelled at just how amazing spotless the trams were. Once again, very Swiss.

Saturday ended up a long day and we never moved away from the bar, especially having been given the most potent Irish Coffees of all time. 101 francs later and it was time to hit the sack.
I dreamt I woke up at 02.24 in the morning from somebody that claimed to know me but as I was in Switzerland I put it down to the coffee..

Sunday was a 3 hour breakfast and CNN. Flight home was as interesting as this time I sat next to a professors wife from Uppsala and the conversation ended up on my latest reading material, "The essential Dalai Lama..." no comment required.

It's always quiet and strange to return to an empty pad after such weekend adventures in other cultures , but with a leap frog to Serbia in a couple of weeks, and Marseilles after that I'm just praying I don't get seat 32D and that the wains manage to be sat far away.Unless of course we're booked on Air Baltic or some Russian flight were smoking, drinking and having a telephone switched on is promoted...