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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

White...not quite...

"for fucks sake"!!!!!!!!!

could be heard form the front end to the back end of the tram..

and why, well of course today I managed to find a pearl white t-shirt and shirt and decided to look like a sofisticated Somalian with my sports jacket and baggy greens.
Then, having bought my daily 7-11 coffee with plastic cap I sipped it away on the tram...only to notice that I was at the same time managing to do an impression of someone from "One flew over the Cuckoos nest" as I looked down and noticed coffee stains all down my t-shirt and shirt...

At 07.50 one should have to endure this...should one...


Tuesday, May 29, 2007

somma is 'ere and am fookin' boozzin'..

Doncaster Ned of the week, released a fab song called "Donny Soldier" and is Mc Devvo..
We're talkin' Yorkshires answer to Eminen and if you wanna listen to his latest offering then go to:-

lyrics are awesome, but maybe you have to have spent a xmas in Bolton upon Dearne and done your bird in grannys bathroom on her comment.."show us ya muff..indeed"

Seems like I'm in a very hardcore rap and ned rap period and theres a lot of good stuff out there. trouble is it's all about crack, tabs and pills, bongs and songs...Acccccciiidddddd..
Sweden is not the country to mention a dirty word like drugs. Ironically since the unemployment increased you can see the same tendencys coming in as we have had in the home country and you read and hear more and more about how easy everything has become available and more and more kids are taking it at a younger age.
I wonder when the equivalent of the swedish NED hits the headlines. Metrasexual Brats will be replaced by burberry Neds with needle marks and then the cars and robbery will increase.
You have to have seen the damage and the housing estates to believe it, I've been on my tour of Drumchapel, Easterhouse, Niddrie and countless other "voted worst housing scheme project in Europe" estates. As I said, you have to see it to believe it so when you take the tram to Bergsjön or Kortedala you realise just how far away it all is from a really bad area..

However, it is coming, question is when. The segregation is already in place and causing murmurs..we shall see..

Morning started poor..christ I sat behind a classA pysko...she seemed to have a serious shouting problem so we all who sat on the tram got to hear her lifestory and how today was tuesday so her favorites were on tv and on and on and on...Worst was looking at her once getting off and seeing that despite thinking she must be heading into her 40's she turned out to look around 25 with a parrot style of clothing and hollywood 50's hairstyle ala honeycomb..

Weather just now seems to sponsoring the chernoybl swedish flu and everybody has a sore throat ready to break out. Then the upswing and humidy comes after lunch and at nite the rains taps the panes..

Got a call today, mate whose life was changed overnite by calling a refferee a "kant". A years ban away from coaching and training and probably stripped of all titles its a hard call made by the blokes upstairs..

Changes have happened overnight with a few decisions of how I'll have to prioritise in the near future and as to who I should prioritise.
To start off with, myself.Tomorrow and its back to the docs for bloodtest number two...They wanna find out what makes me turn green and get angry..
Then I have to get my wheels back on the road.1500kr for a cam chain, bucks that just now don't exist despite the expectations of many.Enough of that I feel.

I'll keep yez posted, but for now its back to salad fingers and MC Devvo!


Monday, May 28, 2007

weird shit Acid trip ..salad fingers...

This is the creepiest and weirdest...but I'm addicted...

simply wasted dude ( he must be..)

just can't stop watching all episodes...

worrying..very worrying


Well there went another weekend.
It's been interesting to say the very least.
Somebody from somewhere really went out of their way to come down and visit me which I appreciate a hello of a lot. Despite only having a 24 hour window they made the effort which shows intention. Zorro also followed en tour and filled the void.

Leading up to the weekend it was nice to be told "I wish you were dead, or at least off the planet"..
The follow up to this has led me to believe that I do indeed fall for the most selfish people ever, forever as a comment (not from the same culprit) today was "I do hope your not enjoying yourself.."Bloody hell, what do i do to deserve this kind of shit..
All to hoots with that anyway, lifes too short and I've done my term now.10 months on and its a simple case and answer to them. Not too hard to guess what that reply is..

The Masi wine was changed this week to a new one called "Bonterra".Organically grown grapes and a wine from California with a slightly higher price tag but one which has to be aired long enough to get the full benifits.I can recommend. I shared a couple of bottles with a good friend as opposed to watching the Champion League final last wednesday.I would always prefer an evening to conversation than watching a game of handbag Italians taking on dock workers.
So I swapped that for a nice evening of thai food and Bonterra wine as well as nice time. Unfortunately Västtrafik don't feel people should socialise so as opposed to waiting to pay natt taxa I walked home listening to SLF and cast my mind back to reruns of High Fidelity with John Cussack and the classic line that Green day were a modern day copycat band of SLF.

Saturday came and it was time to clean up a weeks mess for a more serious encounter. With a License to Ill at full blast it all went well as I also had a meeting planned to draw up battle plans for sundays classic GBG yearly Scotland - England football match.
We have had to live with the arrogance of the english since last year when pride was crushed and a four onr defeat at the hands of the Longshank supporters crushed us..
This year and my mate was building a team of warrior poets (see Braveheart) and the idea of defeat was not even considered.It's a scottish thing you see, you just don't get it unless you are raised with the "so your a smelly sock" then attitude.As my Welsh mate points out, the English just don't get it, and never will. They still think they have an empire..With the SNP now taking back the power and the Irish taking steps it's all gonna change..

Saturday evening was late, a shared bottle of wine and steak and salad to follow. Intentions to go out where changed as an sms arrived 90 minutes later than first speculated so the trip downtown was cancelled. Just as well as Zorro may have eaten the flat in a mood despite him lacking teeth..

With around 4 hours sleep it was up and at them on sunday.The clan gathered.I did an SAQ warm up as the English looked on, bemused at the scots swinging legs inline like a highland reel but really stretching their hammies instead. It was all very much , "I hope you've washed your ass today , as it's gonna be kissed by a king"(see Braveheart)..

I played the whole game, "The Flying Scotsman" became my nickname at half time and my fitness kept me on. Three nil. Awesome!What a team performance!
"we can't hear the english sing
noooo nooo
we can't hear the English sing
nooooo noooooo
We can't hear the English sing, they can't sing fukking anything
nooo, noooo,nooo"
-was the chants all the way back to the after party at Padds. One young scot was found to be wearing a pair of boxers under his kilt, so one sambuca later and a ritual burning of his underpants was the show as he claimed they were a present from the girlfriend..all the best..

Songs were sung, friends were made and the English went home early bar one.
I woke up on the monday morning..fully clothed on my sofa...christ..06.00 in the morning with no recollection if I'd phoned people who wake them up

all in all , a great weekend


Thursday, May 24, 2007


So we’re in Linne veckan and yesterday the flags were up around the country to celebrate the most boring nerd of all time who decided to give latin names to a bunch of flowers..
The guy must have been impotent..
At the same time the Emperor of Japan visited Uppsala and my youngest son dressed up as a strawberry to join the masses to greet him.All we need is a Walrus and we’re approaching the text of a Beetles song.Don’t really get the connection between the strawberry and the Emperor..
To be honest the daiety of the Emperor kinda phased out with the Manhatten project and a couple of centuries of traditions and torture ended as the japanese wept openly when their Emperor signed the "we give up, its a fair cop" papers to the Yanks in 45.

My day yesterday started in a hectic frenzy and as I finally relaxed with my everyday cup of 7-11 coffee from the Ironsquare suddenly felt the air was filled of the pungent smell of urine.
Marvelous, back to the realities of public tram transport.The guy who managed to get on managed to kill everything within a square metre due to the strench and the only thing I thought about was if I would move.Pride or ignorance kept me seated as woman and children made for the lifeboats..

Past couple of evenings have been fairly late so I’m back to scrambling in the mornings to make the day shift. have you ever noticed just how the brain switches off completely when your either tired or stressed or both. The classic is when you put your keys down somewhere and having packed the clothes into the kit bag, remmeberd to collect the phone, plugged in the minidisc and looked down at the, shit, wheres the you rumble through looking for the watch you took off...found it, then check all pockets...check, wallet and then head for the door with 3 minutes to the bus deadline. And then it happens.Keys..where did I put the keys...follow footsteps ,,,bathroom (typ;why), under the freshly thrown clothes on the bed whioh you threw there finding the watch..they end up back on the room, double check-haven't been in the living room all morning...1 minute to go for now the heartbeat is at max and the swearing and shouting of "its always the fucking same" has taken over the rational man. Found them! obvioulsy on a ledge in the kitchen next to the porridge(???) and then its run like hell downstairs...
…only to watch the back of the bus awaiting at the busstop.
First thought, did it just arrive?
Second thought, should I bother to run or will I look an arse if it pulls away as I’m just reaching it, so I look like one of those you have often laughed at thinking "Stackarn!!!!"
So..I walk and try and look cool towards the bus as it drives away..feel like someone from the Great Escape at a train station trying to retain my coolness…FUCK!!!!

So basically the morning starts like this and ends with a whiff of piss and rainclowds over Majornna. Despite these repetition mornings I'm in high spirits for several reasons so I simply brush them off as poor excuses to get pissed for an entire day.In fact, I’usually start laughing at these situations as what else can you do?

Monday, May 21, 2007

Dice we're loaded from the start

Seems like the more we approach the good weather the worst I am at updating my blogg.

Been travellin see.And conversations have also been rather interesting..
Sundays was:
So, are Dwarfs privates in proportion to their size or? and;
Do you know how they do anal bleaching, is it dangerous as things get absorbed into the body real quick there...
What happened to the sabbath? I have a group of persons I know who I tend to visit every sunday who sit around in pjs and reek of booze with anxiety up to their hairline. Always amusing the conversations that obviously started a few hours previously..mobiles tend to be ignored..

To be honest , the weather has been more up and down than a gigolo rabbits bottom. Its tough to know what to do. The classic Swedish red days have been giving us "kläm dagar" which opens up opportunities.
As already mentioned I have been caught up in a mix with A.C.
Things started out well and have continued well, including the part about guard dogs and horses usually scaring the living death outta me.But not this time.Good times indeed.
However, back to the real world after a trip up to the surreal town of Eskilstuna again. In the space of 1km and a kebab shop I managed to pick up on my radar at least 5 special needs, 10 finnish gypsy and a whole gaggle of line dancers.Back to smallsville , Sweden.Always a special sense when the main street is indeed the only street with everything else having tumble weed blowing thru.Kinda reminds me of an old John Wayne movie except for the lack of clogs and snus.
Not forgetting of course I have lived in a similar enviroment in Uppsala which used to be a kinda one street phenomena when I first moved there, with one fast food restaurant.Now of course it has grown into lilla Bagdad and everything that follows.
The positives are obviously more based around the fact that your closer to the countryside.
ah, now then, the reek of amoniak from the fresh horse urine and scooping up horse dung, thats what its about.or not. Ah, but what about the dusk, beautiful evening surrounded by a hundred thousand midges biting the crapm outta my face and head..yes indeed, the concrete jungle also has its pluses, its non-enviromental gases do the "Belsen"on anything with wings.We actually surive due to the poison.

Some things make it worth it.And thats why it was worth it.
On the other hand , an old subject became a new updated one again.There are some very strange people out there. men, of course.I'm starting to understand the "no" campaign simply doesn't work as I have been caught up in a circus of retards for the past couple of days.
Don't get me wrong, but if a woman says she aint interested we seem to do one of two things;
a) accept it and bugger off
b) lose all pride and integrity and stick around expecting a change of response.
I have heard this in many an interview, where girl friends have mentioned that men simply will not push off when told "your sick man, you belong in a circus!"...

Monday, May 14, 2007

Weekend of compliments...makes a change

I manage to miss the entire Shlager festivalen, awesome cos its all crap. I Only bring it up as I caught some shit at 12.00 at night in an empty English pub, asking why it was so queit.The answer was that the sad squad we’re all at their wee parties at home with chips and a bottle of 55kr thunderboard getting carried away on music that should be banned for being as honest as Le Pen Politics.

That’s angry Monday just started.
Fuck me, Chernoybl Virus still got me a frikken headache and sweating bullets. Already missed too much work for this “flu”..U go to the doctor and they simply shake their head and say there's nothing they can'nt that what they said around the Black Plague times...even then you had a chance to suck on a slug..nowadays you pay to get nothing and wait 6 hours for the I’ve just been given a time for check up at a company doctor, only took a frikken year….and me that hates needles..
Got some “under the influence” on the decks…pms Monday for men today.

Drop some Ma Huang and get angry:-

“I'm a compulsive liar, settin my preacher on fireSlashin your tires, flyin down Fenkel and MeyersPlates expired, soon as I'm hired, I'm firedJackin my dick off in a bed of barbed wire(Hey, is Bizarre performing?) Bitch didn't you read the flyer?Special invited guest will be, Richard Pryor(Aren't you a male dancer?) Nah bitch, I'm retiredFuckin your bitch in the ass with a tire ironI'm ripped, I'm on an acid tripMy DJ's in a coma for lettin the record skip.. I'm fuckin anything when I'm snortinIt's gonna cost 300 dollars to get my pit bull an abortionSome bitch asked for my autographI called her a whore, spit beer in her face and laughedI drop bombs like I was in VietnamAll bitches is hoes, even my stinkin ass mom”

Angry D-12 Hardcore rap äger!

All this after an awesome weekend, Diesels , dark this time.
Been a long time since I had so many compliments and as usual always just as hard to believe and take on board.Strange, but marrow has been there too long to replace and you believe what you want too..maybe that’s what retains the character.
White wine, red wine, any wine and good times.
Boxing coaches, bad goal keepers who make great company and an empty pub on shlager nite followed up by the Circus Pub haltas. With ice blue eyes keeping away the hungry wolves as soon a trip to the toilet gets pulled off.
The rain lashed down so hard it felt like the Horn Cape and two late nights really took their toll on the virus.5000mg of C hasn't helped but for once the Single Sunday was replaced by a Sunday which was nice.

As always, everything has to come to an end and to be continued so it was farewell to the sound of the cranberries and a long walk for one and long drive for the other.
If looks could tell a tale they did, a look that came straight from a picture of Grace kelly..

Questions questions. Feels good with compliments.Now I understand the importance of positive coaching and not negative, but that was a while ago I got that.
The ladies team did the business on the Saturday which was also another positive.
Interesting times, as a friend said to me it is always interesting to try and climb inside my head and fuse whats going on outside the parradine box.

Normal service will resume as soon as possible, just get the Black Crowes running on the tables and its all Amorica..

Friday, May 11, 2007

Cliche, I cast thee down!

So here goes...I believe it was James Dean who said(in a film ..);

"Live fast , Die Young and leave a good body"

changed to mine;

"Live fast, Die Old and leave a fit body"...

Why is it that so many guys let themselves go so early?
Useless Friday evening fact, you only lose 5% of your muscle mass as a bloke up to and including the age of a glorious 65.
So role up for the old boys Iron Man, eat well, drink less booze to pick up the 04.00 Dragon and roll off the coach.

The Secret..of the Game

So, get ready, as I have discovered the secret of "the game"..
So first of all, to summarise the game we of course look at the game of picking up the opposite sex. There are books, which are dreadful..filled with how one should ignore the opposite, do a card trick or just rain abuse..then they get interested.

And..after several years of research and Interviews (with a vampire..) they're not so wrong.
You show your cards too early and care and they run a mile.
You act cool and ignore them and they want to find out more.
Hence the classic cliche" I always end up with the wrong type", as the nice guy was discarded into the back of a dump truck for being too nice and too nice..

The subject of the game was reiterated the other day when a friend of mine said that perhaps and maybe without doubt (work that one out..) everybody actually played the matrix game without realising it, and this I agree too.

So, we all play the pure animal instinct "rejection is the start " human animalistic game.
So for the best tips and tricks there is a channel which has it all.

Animal Planet.

Its a success story for once!

Throw it out!

TV and the virus again...

I was fortunate enough..NOT!.. to switch on telly and watch with "south park jaw", a program about some young American Christians with a group of fugly brit kids to promise stop having sex and wear a silver ring...christ indeed..

First of all, the group looked as if they'd have to struggle to find somebody desperate enough to have sex with them..they should have changed the group to a help group to get these blobs laid..
But no, instead they got preached too.

The best present you can give your wife is your virginity..
hmm...diamond ring...virginity...diamond ring...virginity...
then the kids got horrified as the fanatics from "YankyDoodleNuthousen" started chainsawing up a heart, claiming that every ride you gave away was like hacking a piece off your heart, the heart you would give your wife / husband..
heart...diamond ring...heart diamond ring....

When the photo shoot came (get it...) with their new t-shirts of "yes to romance-no to sex" I accidentally turned over, glad in a way to not have to remark one more time about the "chain smoking mole on her cheek blobby" stating how much this would help her..
"somebodies lying I thought"

To my utter disgust it was a repeat of the Victoria Secret fashion day..Ironic?

Thursday, May 10, 2007

!Check it!..all the fly juice...

"Let me clear my throat, kick it over here baby pop and let all the fly skimmys feel the beat...."

Beastie Boys first vinyl frikken rules!

So, still out of order.Feel like a toilet in grand central.Strange how all motivation goes to nothing when your sick.Its the frikken Swedish "Chernoybl" virus again! I will get retro and start writing 100 lines;
"I must live this tent of chemical warfare viruses before I grow a tumour the size of a basketball"

off to training...

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

..all the best...

..and it was!
Finally the destination of half a journey that started in january was finally reached at the weekend.
The trips to Stockholm, London, Switzerland, Serbia finally ended up in an epic in , of all places, Eskilstuna.
Seems to be the classic case of when you know your finally reaching your destination the body relaxes and gives you back the time you asked for by making you sick.And thats exactly what happened on the friday morning.
Having arrived on thursday evening and meeting good friends I was told by them how good it was that I was in such high spirits once again. This seems to have been the case for the past months.
So it was to my annoyance that friday morning, around 0500 I awoke sweating bullets thru a bible and with a throat that felt like it still had a pineapple trapped in it. This was not gonna be an easy weekend as I was gonna have to be sharp and on the job. Having chatted to the paramedic in the team I was given around 1500mg of parasomething to take every four hours and told to lay off the coffee..err..yeah right.Another cup please..As the Capt.Seb asked, "you don't ever sleep during these weekends do you...."
At the same time all this misery and business was going down I was also noticing a pair of nudie jeans serving the coffee..something there. More coffee please..
So friday was as usual a script of planned schedules , strict time keeping and thinking cap on.
Team was as usual the very best of company and I will miss them when they're not there.Respect is given at every quarter and it is something you have to experience at first hand to understand just what kind of team family and atmosphere we have managed to put together.
The saturday would be the battle, and the battle was won. With a new record of straight wins and undefeated for 7 tests the spirits should have been higher but the causality list was high.
More Coffee please...Miss..??
Due to the virus (again) and the 8000 mg of parasomething I lasted to 23.50 and came back to crash. Apparently the circus came back at 0300 in the morning and enjoyed a game of empty the fire extinguisher..Nuff said, I heard nothing.However, it would give me an opp to get a better insight of Missy Calvin Kleins..
Sunday and we all said our farewells.The stories from the night before came in thick and thin and what happens on tour stays on tour. A humbled coach watches as once again the past, including its memories, is replaced by the present and it's realities.Life for sure doesn't get better when every line sometimes has a micro story of no importance but sheds tears around the group of players who are in turn ready to share an experience.
Single Sunday again then.
I was to be alone.Train left at 18.00 and the meetings cancelled which had me hanging around.
The weather was awesome so best to just rest up and try and put life into perspective.So many ups and downs from the weekend. Late but ever so important confessions from friday to negative reactions to a positive on saturday and now, alone again on single sunday with a virus, a box of paraS and an interest to follow up.
And the interest did turn up. A chat in the sun full of integrity and honesty, and a follow up late lunch ended the weekend on a high.A card, a train trip and back home to the empty void that unlike a black hole does require work and we'll see what happens.
Living in the present is the way to go just now.


Monday, May 7, 2007


So have I been locked away in the quiet room for so long? (Obviously not with nurse Rozetta)..

Life has been so busy that I've finally come down to earth which in my case means about 5 days of laundry and a flat that really needs a spring clean, and thats an understatement..
So, since my last post I've been rushing around the country watching some sport , and I ended up in Uppsala for the Valborg celebrations.
Basically it was like going back in time from the times I lived in Uppsala. Ironically Sweden traditions are mainly centred around drinking as much alcohol as possible and making a complete ass of yourself.With the 1st of May tradition we add a lot of youth in white dresses and high heels stooping here and there to relieve them of their champagne and sill breakfast and then back for more.
Back several years ago you could actually choose to sit at Piss Quartet and watch the masses of white strewn virginistic lassies line up to drop scants in the street..not very pleasant and rather desperate to hang around to be honest.
So to end up back in 018 on the very same day was like going back in time, except this time I wasn't interested in getting leathered myself. This always makes things even more interesting..
However, you do forget that the average age of piss artist is around 18 and its usually over and out by 16.00.
So all in all a quiet weekend mostly playing basket and planning the strategies for the up and coming tests.
The most positive aspect recently has been the sun coming out to play early and I'm just waiting once again for one of those scary facts that this is the warmest weather its ever been ever ever but that it has nothing to do with the greenhouse effect.yeah right, whatever..

So inbetween the weekends the work has been full on as well as the training at the rugby ground. A friend has left to the European championships in Madrid and good luck to her.

There hasn't been much time for reading or writing, which is kinda unusual . I'm still caught up in a moment with regards to some aspects of life in general which kinda had a break through last friday evening to a more honest level.Good or bad you gotta face things up and put them on the table.Da Vinci code to some , serious matters to none. All good.

There is a positive in the weather change as people stop adorning winter clothes and both men and woman show off what they've been working on or not during the dark age. Always a very colourful spectacle which cheers up the day regardless of point.

I did end up in a rather funny situation upon my return from Uppsala when I decided it would be a good time to meet up with a friend to share some wine.Her friend also turned up and we discussed our situations and looked through some old time photos. After several hours of wine and way too late in the early morning her friend suddenly asks why I haven't made a pass at the friend we both share, she then goes on to say that the fact that I haven't made her believe I was batting for the other side...she then changed her mind and dropped me in it by asking if I would or wouldn't fuck my friend. More wine anyone.....
Party ended at 0600 as usual, things always get that intense as the subject goes from politics to charity and so on.Good times though and luckily a day off to relax and watch the communists march through town with their red flags of honour..
I feel sorry for communists, basically their own party kicked down the whole concept with perestroika..Oh well, I suppose it gives them a chance to have a walk about and get some attention . Maybe some colourful balloons next year would help..