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Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Design, function and X-mas day

X-mas day for me always brings back fond memories of playing with huge plastic tacky Robots that moved backwards and forwards and made horrendous sounds that could only be muted by a very large ON/OFF switch, often frequented by my parents.
As Dylan pointed out a while back , the times they are a changin'. The robot memory was around '73, bout the same time Dylan was still top 10.However, and more importantly, this must be a happy memory as I've carried it around for all these years. It comes hand in hand with the same memory of truly believing that I heard santas sleigh , or the bells on the reindeers, landing on the roof of the house in Switzerland. Back then I shared a room with my brother and every attention to detail is still etched into memory.This would be years before the testing of magic mushrooms as well..
Nowadays I'm pushed into a room and told that the pc's and television will be pre-occupied by WOW (world of warcraft) and PS2 Harry Potter game.. There came a roar of delight from both when they discovered that NHL 08 also included the ability of the players to knock holes in each other... There is no chance that Santa exists , unless he is in a B movie shown on telly and as the Dalai lama points out, its all about fending for yourself in this world of individuals closing the door on others. One child per room, their Mother asleep in another and myself working on the only pc available as it's too slow for gaming and indeed anything else.
I reckon if I'd given them each a robot (they are still available as a kind of nostalgic cheap junk) I would have been given a cynical look and asked what the joke was..
Anyway, let x-mas day reign on I suppose in this post swedish x-mas eve apocolypse of Must and Chocolates.
I had to spoil myself this x-mas having caught a glimpse of a plastic strapped watch designed by one french designer , Philip Starck. The same guy has designed everything from a 2 z .
Something about the design which I couldn't resist.
Of course having looked up the maker it wasn't an import into Scandinavia, and then I discovered the white version had been replaced by grey and black.So, a quick hunt later and a white limited availability model from 06 was found and purchased immediatly.To be honest I'm not even sure if I'll wear it or put it up on my oiled oak shelves, as I only bought it for it's clean lines, out of the box watch design and looks. Merry x-mas to myself..
Back home tomorrow with new year and projx to look ahead too..

Monday, December 24, 2007

It's X-mas eve...

merry x-mas eve then..

more scripting as soon as...

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

5k 4 30 minutes

Tomorrow is the final part of a two part mini series involving one of my gnashers.

Of course, this all started around 35 plus years ago when somebody somewhere failed to ensure that my education in tooth retention was followed up. In fact, Scottish dentistry is officially on the map as being the worst in Europe.

So, 2morrow at 14.40 I hand over 5000 kronor for 30 minutes of work and some cheapo crown as the other one costs 12,000. So I suppose there is a positive that there is a cheapo version.
Not a bad job though, being a dentist. He probably marks up around 400% plus on the peice of plastic he will glue in place, and thats on top of a root filling that he charged me 4500kr for.

So, 9500:-\ on one frikken wonder I'm one of the one's never to have been in Thailand...

EJS meets SRVS for Sami Mk1

X-mas just around the corner and despite the media tidal wave I have managed to survive due to 200 golf balls and 3 minutes of indoor football.
The result was an acute buggered back which necessitated a weeks rest, injections to the lower back and a 20 day cure of volteraine and dexofen.
I have to say dexofen has the worst write up on it's box I've ever seen. To summarise, if you drink a day before or two days having swallowed a tab, you could die a horrible death..
Luckily for me don't have a huge drinking habit so it's all aboard the opiut based painkiller train.
The worst factor about having a shot back is the fact that nothing is good enough to relieve the pain (except for the dex..), so standing, walking, lying down or sitting are as painful as each other. So I had to do a shake and mix. The time I used well, as you can see by the photograph of the latest fender neck that will adorn my latest custom project. Shes named Sami Mk1 and comprises of a Fender Eric Johnson Signature 57 custom body adorned with a pau ferro fretboarded Stevie Ray Vaughn Signature neck. Parts are all on the way from several corners of the planet and the result should make an interesting sound indeed. I will be updating with pictures.
The 76 univox hi-flier is now completely rewired and has one pickup, new 250k pots and no switch.I wired her up direct as Johnny Ramone, despite having a chrome seymour duncan at the neck, never had it wired up and only used his di marzio fs-1 in the bridge. I've had to make some adjustments to fit the single coil into the humbucker spacing and without wanting to ruin the original body I've had to make up a new pickguard and conversion ring using an Ikea plastic bread cutting board.Very cheap and plyable. I've noticed the string spread across the magnets is wrong and I will now make a better conversion ring to ensure the wires go across the magnets as they should.With some new Ernie ball Slinkys the sound has been massive and the neck is very fast. I can understand where Grunge and Kurt Cobain got the sounds and soul from, as most started on these Univox guitars. Its a trasher guitar, you have to trash the thing to get the bite...
All very far away from the Jimmy page Signature that rests in it's own green lush quality guitar case and only gets taken out when I'm composing.The difference in quality reflects in the price tag of course and one shouldn't compare the two.So I wont. Lets just say the JP signature is magnificent in all areas and is used for different moods and feelings.
I can only compare those days when one listens to Dave Brubeck or Miles Davis as opposed to The Exploited or The Ramones.
Now all I needed was a guitar that would be there purely Blues days and that will be Sami Mk1.
With 3 single coil Vintage hand wound pickups added to the neck and body it will only be there for blues..
So far so good then. back is getting better and sooner rather than later I will put the Supermotard back to glory and then start off loading a lot of gear I have around.
More to come on Projx

Friday, November 30, 2007

Hate is a strong word...

The MASSIVE X-mas media machine is already upon us. Some shops are advertising that sales end on the 4th to ensure that people buy their x-mas decorations before anyone else. I actually have somebody at work whose one of many pleasures is to collect x-mas tree balls…cue head shaking…all to their own thing.

Not sure if it’s age related but my cynicism seems to increase around the “festive” season. Coming from a rather cold background emotionally with regards to x-mas , this really hasn’t helped me to accept and let things be.
Even my own sons at an early age starting sending me their “I want” list. Credit when due they did addend church even though the past years I have had to force the point a wee bit more than usual. And fairs fair it’s actually their grandmother who makes sure they take the time out to go with her to the x-mas session.

I’m at the point where I believe that if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t see any point whatsoever in celebration. Just seems a massive contradiction. Ok, truth be told they call me the Grinchen , as they know me well. But just like the famed “snowman” film I also feel sometimes it wouldn’t be a bad thing to melt as I didn’t make the freezer in time when the temperature rises.
Traditions are all very well if they’re your own. Despite living in Sweden for @ 20 (life term..) I still don’t feel as if I’m fitting in. Maybe it’s the way we announce shop store profits at the same time we do TV galas and charities to feed the starving children of the world or whatever they can force-feed to the desensitised public who’d rather watch reality TV about Posh Beckham or Ozzy Osbourne. When did TV become reality???
Fairness. That’s the lacking around December. And caring. There are those who don’t have it so well who get force-fed the same TV and media to make us feel inadequate if we don’t own the latest x-mas gift, last year it was flat screen TV’s. The irony.
Some of the discussions are always interesting while we scramble the change together to buy the presents. We shouldn’t give to charity as it doesn’t make a difference, or that admin takes 98% anyway. Perhaps anything is better than nothing? Including that 2%. I overheard a conversation which was about how beneficial it is to actually give charity. You get more back than you give. At first I thought this was positive until of course the reality came back, that business contacts could be ensured at high level and more money made. Well, there you go.
One of the truest forms of giving up time in a genuine way was a very famous road racer from Ballymena , Ireland by the name of Joey Dunlop. A pub owner and multi World Champion (he past away a few years ago) he used to collect clothes and toys, pack them into the back of his racing van and head down to Romania on his own to ensure delivery was complete. Respect.
Do you feel that we are targeted at x-mas time more than any other time as they want to prey on people’s consciences. Well, so they should, the amount of money going out to ensure the bottom lips don’t hit the floor has become more and more. I wonder what this years “present to give” will be?

It’s usually at this point, if I discuss the subject, that I get slanted as being a negative and miserable git. Well, actually I’m not, I’ve just be cursed from birth about over analysing and asking questions. This is probably the same reason I have been an International coach with multiple certificates. However, on a more private level this is a curse. Everything is questioned, including motives and morals. And I realised that the most positive place to be is in the “turn a blind eye” comfort zone. I’m envious of people who simply get on and don’t care. And believe it or not, I don’t judge them either. There is a difference between judging and understanding.
I feel that most people are very similar to those elite players that I’ve coached at top level. Despite their position as reaching the top of the pathway pyramid they still work and think in a 2 dimensional way. My job was specifically to take them out of this comfort zone and push them into the 3rd dimension. And that is perhaps something that should be and could be done with those people who simply ignore the 3rd and live in the 2nd. Where TV and media have taken over and steers their every move. They remind me of the kids going into the meat grinder in Pink Floyds “The Wall”.

So, if you’ve read this far you’ll probably notice this post is more a mess than a structured constructive piece of scripting. The effects of the up and coming onslaught I’m afraid, and one I’m sure I’ll be joining in with a second hand frown.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

7 years of bad luck..

The one thing I hate about superstitions is the fact that I kinda get sucked into believing in them.I suppose its an old fashioned sentiment, which is why I'm really not happy about breaking a mirror this morning. The only thing I hope is that the superstition doesn't include magnifying mirrors...

Sounds like a joke , but its real life.Luxembourg nite out

So there's a Russian, a Georgian, a Croatian and Serbian who all go out for the dinner.
Before they go out they sit around a table and drink a bottle of whiskey.
At the dinner they continue to swill down everything that’s free and eventually end up at the local disco.

The Russian is adorned with gold chain and open shirt, shaved head and basically not someone you'd really want to mess with. By the time he's in the night club he's had enough spirits to knock out a donkey and his behaviour seems to corrugate this. He obviously feels he's a bit of a ladies man and pours on the charm onto the native ladies. Of course, Russian charm is not the same as what we work, and with this he manages to upset a few boyfriends within the space of 5 minutes. He is confronted by a string of piss who demands satisfaction and who brings along 4 friends just to make sure the point is made...

At the same time the Serbian in the group has forgotten his wallet in his jacket which he's left with the guards and so goes to ask for it back. At this point the atmosphere changes dramatically as the guards discover he is from Serbia and proudly present themselves as Monsters Inc. from Kosovo..
The way in which they talk to him is rather frightening and suddenly you start getting visions of ethnic cleansing, a black bag and the back of the night club.
The Serbian is not taking a step back and is giving them a piece of his mind...

Meanwhile, Andre the Russian is heading behind this argument with 5 Luxemburgish and the Georgian who has repeatedly pleaded to the young and innocent fools that they really don't wanna take on this rather unstable rugby league and Russian Super league player. The reply from the leader of the Luxemburgish is to bitch slap Andre..NoNo the Georgian decrees a gladiator style one on one, and if any of the four jump in they will have to deal with him..

At the same time the Croatian has ended upstairs in the private area of the club and has, together with the Dane and German in the group, no idea of anything else , including his wallet and phone..

At 4 o’clock in the morning the Police came in and demanded everyone left immediate.
A Serbian was last seen swearing at Monsters Inc bouncers who looked almost disappointed this one got through the net to survive another day.
A long string a piss Luxemburger was heard , with muffled cries of help as Andre the Russian Pit-bull was dragged off him with blood from both hands and a broken knuckle. the other four in the gang did nothing as NoNo stood with a glaring eye at them.
The German was the only member in the group to get laid with what he called a 26 year old who still lived at home, went to school and didn’t look a day over 15..
The Croatian and Dane were last seen showing each other their bollocked collar bones that looked like broken coat hangers..
Me? I ended up leaving a bar which I didn't realise was 50/50 bar and having told two men (??) to get fucked and stop pestering me to buy a drink was influenced in going back to the digs before the caveman came out to play..


Basically it has become increasingly difficult to find the time in the day to produce scripts as well as everything else.
Always a good sign though.The to do list is slowly being ticked off.
The '76 phase 3 Univox hi-flier arrived Florida yesterday and had to be tightened up a notch and tuned. The few glitches looked over and of course , having played the 70's cheapo and cult status plywood/cardboard monster the next thing is to remove the strings, the pickguard and clean up the solders and replace the bridge humbucker to a single coil Dimarzio which is on its way from Missouri as I write.Of course, first I have to fit a special single-coil ring to convert from humbucker PU to P90 type. All the parts are at the ready and the next question is wether to fit grover tuning heads.
The sound as it is , is so far from my Les paul JP signature. There is no resonance whatsoever as the body is so thin and lightweight and the whole thing sounds like a massive distortion stick , feeding back and crunching away with a much higher tone that imaginable. Intonation my ass, these things are there to be thrashed and you can actually understand that Grunge and Garage all get they're sound from either cheapo lawsuit Univox or s/h mosrite surf sounding guitars.
Now all I need is a sound proof room and marshall stack!

So, thats in the Pipeline.

At the same time the box in the kitchen needs to be taken to the workshop where my GasGas 450 Super"Retard"Motard lies in a coma. To summise, the box has a new right hand block, a cam chain and a flywheel removal special tool. Nuff said then, full strip down and rebuild and fingers crossed the valves didn't touch the piston when the chain snapped!

Interior design//
The oil oak shelves are now up. First time and using the over priced mini konsols the entire shbang came tumbling down when the CD's went up, so it was back to the drawing board and some thicker and longer screws used. The cheap oak shelves were given a soaking in teac oil and came up much nicer and darker.
Next move is to take the large 4cm thick wood items and get them according to plan to make the living room table. I'd like to have some box joints cut in but not sure as yet, I believe dove tail joints would be too difficult due to the thickness of the wood.
It should look awesome once it's also finished with the teac oil.
To add to this I have finally managed to get some stuff up on the bare walls, which have been bare since I moved in. There are three different levels of sofistication and purpose in the living room. From huge canvas abstract paintings to the more personal real photograph of a 1921 board track daredevil adorning a 1000cc HD of the era. The detail is up close and fantastic, all credit to the photographer! Feels like he's gonna drive straight out of the photograph with dissonance sound!To match up the rest of the wall I framed the photograph in an oak frame.
Those people who know me will understand the significance of this image. Those who don't will not get it at all, but unlike most people I know I do not decorate to impress the neighbours and friends.
It's not all finished yet, just a few adjustments and lighting and I will be very happy.There will be no carpets of course.
When walking in you can see how the images and sticks and stones of the living room represent my personality well, from abstract to machine and man at speed, to two guitars from different ends of the spektrum and different tonage, to the minimilist style interspersed with glass sculpture and memories of International test matches and awards.
And of course, records, cd's music dvd's adorn the shelves and have two guitar stands underneath them.

Next room to be done will be what I call my shambles room, as that is what it is. The bedroom door is always closed as its a shambles 24 / 7. Just the way I like it , so to reflect I will put up all the different framed stuff I have collected over the years, just to add some colour.Once again its basically an empty room with a 120 bed and some laundry baskets. It's what you'd call an on off room, in every case your either on or off in this room-right?

The downsides of course, I've stopped prioritising training and as nothing is being done at club level to initiate any training its quite depressing going from 4 days a week to none.However, I haven't been very well recently anyway so maybe the time will help to build up again.But that grey zone of non training is always hard to deal with as one feels soft , as opposed to getting fat. But never the less the time of year (dark dark and wet) and the lack of any colour always produces some kind of blue.I will try and get back on track before I also become an extra in tellytubbies..

Monday, November 26, 2007

travelling again

Just spent the last 5 days in Luxembourg.
The entire trip was organised by the SRF and as usual it was the cheap tickets that were the most interesting, so a taxi kicked off the proceedings as no bus left at 0430 to the airport.
Upon arrival to Copenhagen I noticed my plane was delayed, from 0840 to 1040.Ho hum..
At 1030 the neons changed to flight, having been ushered to the travel centre I was very happy to be informed that I would be stuck on the next flight in 7 hours time...
With a free meal ticket of 100dkk I went on my merry way to discover that for this kinda money I could afford very little from the cuisines...
As already scripted I'm not a big fan of flying, and to assist this anxiety I get I always ask to get a seat closer to the front than the back ever since the first episode of "lost", when only the front half of the plane crash survived...
...of course when I got on the later flight they had no other option but to squeeze me in a window seat stuck at the back with what looked like a cast of extras from "Tellytubbies"..nuff nuff said..
Then we went through the standard delays and excuses, boarding nowadays actually means getting on a bus that takes you on a 5 minute tour of the airport (airport sightseeing, a new tourism plan?) but of course once you've rushed onto the bus you realise its a cruel trick to make you believe your on your merry way.Then, once you've actually got onto the plane and waited for those very special travellers that are anal retentive about packing their stuff in the overhead locker, you sit squeezed up with weightwatchers excursion clubbers only to hear over the com that due to the fact that the flight was delayed in alisabbaba they have missed their alloted takeoff slot and they will be starting the engines in 15 minutes and hopefully take off in 24 minutes...This is once again a cruel trick as we all know, they start moving towards their alloted airfield after 25 minutes (at which point the old joke always cues in my mind;are we driving there or flying there?) and at last, 40 minutes later I'm sweating bullets on take off asking myself the same question; when was the last time I spoke to my sons and did I tell them how much I loved them?

I finally arrived at my destination.No further drama.
The trip back was amusing for one reason which takes us back to Copenhagen.When I asked why the flight was cancelled I was informed that it was becoming difficult since the Dash-8 de havilland planes had been withdrawn by SAS after the 4 crashes that happened in such a short time span.(You may recall one crashed at Copenhagen airport a month ago and four days later one in Vilnius for the same reasons, poor landing gear).
Nobody had informed LUXair, who, surprise suprise, use the Bombadier Q-400. This is of course the new name for the Dash-8 by De havilland. So, lets just say the flight from Luxembourg to Frankfurt, despite being short, had a peculiar smell to it....

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Univox meets Dimarzio

So, "moving forwards" (irony)

In a land far away and a long long time ago we never had webshops, internet and indeed we never even had Microsoft windows, you had to understand how to program on an old BBC computer on the equivalent of CM dos.
I was a wee lad, and every weekend I used to take a bus from Mussi to the High Street in Edinburgh to a shop called "Sounds".The place was always packed with rockers and punks, skins, basically everyone apart from the dreaded mods and scooter boyz (to come later).

All felt like a scene from "the wanderers" or "warriors" which were of course cult status despite being crap.I used to bump into the likes of "Watty", the lead singer of "The Exploited" and I could glance around at all the mohawks, pins and needles and sex pistol posters for hours.I would always buy something just to prove to myself that I'd made the trip, usually a cheap badge, or if I could afford it a patch that I would later sew on to an undiscovered peice of denim on my denim jacket.
So, now years later, the hair has gone, the denim has gone and the internet and country as well as fashions have misted the past enough.Or have they?
An old passion has been rekindeled in the form of music, one which has always been a priority in my life in every aspect. However, despite working with it, indeed as a guitar roadie before my move to Sweden and then for EMA telstar over here before the ruptured disc put a stop to that, I have once again entered into the fray.
A Gibson Jimmy page Signature sits upright on a stand in my living room asking to be played.
Now, and in order to really get back to some Ramones / Exploited roots I have had to get me a compromise with a faster neck action to play some barr chord punk sounds. So last night, at around 22.00 I secured a 70's univox "mosrite" copy from Florida. These guitars were el cheapo when they were sold in the 70's but are now harder to find.Kurt Cobain made them famous. More importantly, if you want to try and get the sound of a Johnny Ramone Mosrite its the cheapest way to go. Just add a Dimarzio DP110 Fs pickup at the bridge and put some better tuners on it (he changed from Kluson to grover). These things are made of plywood and weigh nothing, but the sound is MASSIVE! So, hopefully I'll be waking up Santa on his sleigh.
Now all I need is a mesa boogie mk1....

So, the plan is to eventually try and put a band together and do some cover stuff like the ramones, stranglers, damned, exploited or whatever.Surf and slam music. We shall see, as I say, your only as old as you want to be.
However, with the Les Paul waiting to be used (and not for punk) there are some compositions which I'm toying with a messing about with. Just need to buy a Handy Zoom 360 recorder off ebay and start laying down some trax.

So, what else? Well, the return of Bombi. Plus ca change...or not.

The TV got moved from the bin and now resides on a bänk, and an amazing and huge canvas is turning up in december to hang up. Abstract and amazing, more info on that when it arrives.
I bought some really heavy solid oak (4 cm) with the idea to make a living room table. News to follow.
Despite seeing my shelves fall down on the first go, I managed to make things more permanent with 4.5 x 70 spax screws. So I finally have got the finger out and put some shelves up, having looked for the correct konsols and teak oil to finish them off.A large vase (1 meter tall) also ended up in the living room.So, I'm trying at least...
The shelves are now adorned with the prizes won as a coach as well as cd's for all ages and styles.Nice when a plan comes together.

Of course, to normal people this listing sounds pretty sad, but in all honesty its a huge step for me to try and prioritise the interior.I'm happy it's still minimilist anyway.

Right, I'm off to fix a digital camera that somehow has a screw loose in it....

The gasgas 450 engine parts are finally here as well as the puller, so the camchain swap as well as right hand engine block is also to be done. Can't wait.

Interesting to say the least..or?

Off to Luxembourg tomorrow.Interestingly enough there are some hidden agendas but nothing too devious, just all positive.
Having resigned my position as national side coach due to the incompencies, lack of positive support and sheer lack of transparency it's all fairly ironic.
Talkin' of ironys, it always surprises me when you hear what people are saying behind your back.What is more surprising is the question as to why? Self gain? Why else? To try and gain some higher ground by belittling people to complete strangers? 'Aint right.
But what is really ironic is the fact that half the time you know exactly where you are and with who.
The word transparency has been raised on several levels recently in my circles, and it makes me laugh.At one point I had to ask a certain person what they percieved was "transparency" and their anwer kinda reminded me of the Nixon Watergate scenario.
Here was their answer;
Transparency is information released to people we consider have the interest and right to know"...
Nuff said on that one...

Ah yes, self gain meets the mirror ego. Should be a name of a song.
There are those people around who really think they're theatre act isn't transparent, which is to say they actually have a wee plan that they think is sweet and working, as they haven't given enough credit to those of us who make sure we have all the bases covered.As Sun Tzu scripted, "know thy enemy and make them as your friend so you know their every move"..don't qoute me on that, scripting "sand slant" 'aint my thing.

So, as usual its the lines between the lines, and always for a reason. All i'll say is, make sure you know who to trust and who not to trust. And don't play the same Nixon game, or you'll end up the same way.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Does my natural sponge have a soul?

This came shooting through my mind as I was taking a shower and went through my usual routine of looking at the natural sponge, (which I purchased on my visit to Crete, the more expensive variety of course), and feeling sorry for it in its dried up state and to conclude the ritual routine I run enough shower water through it to “bring it back to life”…

Strange, and perhaps a tvångssyndrome which includes the over washing of hands. Something I find that I have to do after various activities.

But as I ran water through the natural sponge hoping to pump some life into it, this behaviour trait struck me as being rather unusual. Or is it? It does go with my other scripts regarding the sofa and it’s soul, or taking the old car to the scrap yard. But a sponge?

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Its been a while, glad to be back.....

Things have been very busy since the last inlägg.

For a start , today is basically the start of a new life for me without my position as a coach for a National side. There is always an emptiness that follows any decision when it comes to affecting relationships in teams or private, and it takes a long time to make such drastic decisions.

There are many negatives that could be written about the reasoning behind the decision. However they aren't new and it is rather amusing when people feel that your blind to the hidden agendas being slowly built around the up and coming changes. Of course the denials come in when something happens out of time frame but basically it's time to move on and start enjoying life without the complications of working with incompetence, hidden agendas or people who simply do not have the same goals and objectives. Interestingly enough, but I have written previously about how usual it is to have persons sitting in high positions who are incompetent and who rely on middle management to make them look good.Well, same same, difference being that I have sacrificed my own integrity and swallowed my pride too often for **************

So, what has happened since september. A whole lot, thats what.
My interest in music is back, so I am now the proud owner of a Jimmy Page Signature Les paul which takes up all my evening time as opposed to sucking a straw and watching TV.
Suffice to say the sound is simply awesome even through a Roland MicroCube. I have to wear headphones but the sound variation is treble fold.
This isn't my first dabbling with the electric guitar, my first was a 71 les paul custom black beauty which I purchased in nashville. However, I sold it on and it ended it's days with a broken neck in a freak accident with one of Uppsalas more popular blues bands.
The approach to playing will be the same approach I use in coaching, which is more on general feeling than technic.It helps if your not tone deaf which I'm not. So far things are awesome and only getting better.

Training wise has been cut back and the body is basically fixing itself. So for a while I will not be doing any gym or training sessions, except for korp indoor football which has started again and always fun. having played 4 games in the elite this year I plan on getting fit and making myself available for the bench once again if necessary. I have to say Ive never had more fun than playing the game than coaching.Different rewards and the only anxiety is the fact that my age is a huge restriction.Can't do much about that.

The passion of motorcycles and engines in general is back and the rebuilding of the blown up GasGas is now in full swing. The Supermotard blew up last year and after an investigation it appeared she had snapped her camchain.
New price is 1650kr, so I have now taken a gamble and purchased another type, from another model from ebay for 100kr. Lets see if that works...

Its gonna be a real adjustment now that I have taken away a huge part from the jigsaw I call my life, but as usual I'm sure I'll keep myself busy and for the first time in a long time I won't have to put up with the negatives.

Will also be posting more often.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Trains, planes and The Police

Busy busy but things couldn't be more hectic fun!
First things first, the knee held up at training.
Ticket found for trip to stockholm.
Police ticket stashed in bag which is still being packed at 1.38.Not sure what I'm gonna do with though, I have the sports bag and the Kavaj get up seperate.Bus trip to work will be fun, add a laundry bag to the equation and you get the idea.Last minute is always the way..chaos in order, or is that order in chaos..
Many a trip with the troops has been made and you usually pack less and less each trip.Everything with the Sticks and Crowns emblem gets packed with three training sessions in mind, as well as white board pens and a whistle.The Moleskins are packed down with all the dynamic plays which have taken many a sleepless night to script and rethink.All the required chargers and of course the alst minute panic stations always appear around the witching hour..
This time I can't find my bank dosa to pay the bills...hopefully I left it at work.
The toothbrush and razors are in , as well as an extra small towel just in case. The citadon and volteraine are packed, but mostly there for the players if required.It's a ritual and one I look forwards too everytime the time nears.
Not everybody gets here in the zone, but when you do ou understand there are more important things than the size of your bank account.

It's late. Sisters of Mercy is running the ipod dry.
eyes are getting tired now.
Last minute birthday presents are bought and sent, as well as archive letters and cd's with the hope that there is enjoyment at the other end. But whatever.
"lucretia my refection" bass line is original and awesome, check it!Floodland is the album.

Okay, one more half day at work. Then the journey starts.
13,42 x2000 Gbg - stockholm
19.30 The Police, Globen
Flight Arlanda - malmö 0605 - 0710
Flight Malmö - Marseille 0900- 12.30
Bus trip Marseille - Lyon 1300-16.00
Hotel check-in 16,30
training 17.00

Reckon its gonna be a long day on thursday, just can't beat it!

So, if I don't get back online until my return early on sunday then I'll say happy brthday to one and good luck to another, and yes it's you to another, and lets hook up to another, and good riddance to yet another.


Monday, August 27, 2007

Ice cream man...

Just remember waking up scared last night, or should I say this morning. I was having nightmares and I felt somebody was pulling me down the way from two areas of my body...I was sweating like the proverbial pig and to be honest I wasn't in any hurry to go back to sleep just in case I fell into the same dream scape.I lay there alone wondering if I should switch a light on..
And maybe that was the kick start of what has been a really "deep" kinda day. Like the song "Ice cream man" by Tom Waits the signature tune is kinda nostalgic to the point of sad and yet the song kicks up tempo and you soon forget the sad part, until the end where we return to the signature piano tune..
At certain points during the day I heard that tune and missed someone, or everyone.Someone, something or everything stirred an emotion today and it came out of the sun like a Jap Zero..

I write this as I don't consciously have anything as a dampener just now. Everything is pretty much under control, maybe once again I'm missing a certain chess piece in this game.It is a cliche I suppose, but after certain situations it feels like buying a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle and mixing it up on the table without actually knowing what the jigsaw is meant to represent.

Looking at the music I purchased from itunes you would expect that I was indeed possessed by a form last night..Benny Goodman and his big band, The chordettes "Mr sandman",Dave Brubeck Quartet version of "take the A Train" and Bye Bye Blackbird , the version by Miles D himself.
Maybe I finally got dragged around that imaginary corner that I have been waxing on about since I started scripting.

I missed her today I think. Who, I don't know.Maybe as I said, I missed anyone. maybe not.
Reality check on seven sides of the Octagon.Think I'm finally arriving at a destination that I've been heading for a while, just haven't pulled the chord and let the driver know it's time for me to get off...

Well, wait and see I suppose. I miss my kin as well and they 'aint answering.


Sunday, August 26, 2007

"sending out an SoS...."

..a famous text from the Police song " message in a bottle"..but what people haven't realized is that SoS actually stands for Single on Sunday....
Can'r believe I'm actually going to watch The Police on wednesday at the Globe in Stockholm. Ive watched Sting live and he was amazing, but the Police is a different class. Bit like when I flew back to Birmingham to watch the first reunion of Black Sabbath with Ozzy at the helm.

It's gonna be a Busy week ahead, wednesday is the concert, then thursday morning I fly down to malmö for 0705, and at 0900 catch a flight to Marseille at which point we get on a bus and head to Lyon to prepare for a National side test. Sometimes life just doesn't get better, good music, rugby and a bunch of really good people.The pressure of course is on for a win so it isn't a holiday and a lot of expectations are there as well..

This weekend was once again a comeback to the park in a match.I hadn't played on this park at thsi level since 1995 so it felt kinda strange.I survived, although the bus trip was more about keeping the alcohol level high to reduce the knocks encountered.
Sunday morning I awoke at 0630 the wrong way up in bed and fully clothed...I was hanging on the phone and I seem to remember talking to somebody and falling asleep mid sentence..
I met her today and was informed that yes indeed I fell asleep midsentence whilst calling her pathetic... but I was forgiven and managed to salvage Single sunday to some degree anyway.

Since buying my ipod I now have a tendency of enjoying a long walk.Its amazing how easy it is to kinda switch off and simply walk and think over so many different aspects of life, the unverse and everything else you get in a chicken in a basket.It is of course a double edged blade as in one way its a positive to feel your doing something consructive but at the same time you can also feel very lonely and the word "loser" can appear in neon warned.It's all about the variation in music. Music goes with moods and can also be used as a tool to switch off one mood and switching on another, as well as a tool for kicking the cache memories of yesteryears..

I always feel that people would be very surprised what I'm listening too sometimes as my music taste varies so much which is paradox when Schizophrenic as I am. Of course, looking at what that word means I would say most people are Split in their minds....It is interesting that we like to inflict damage on ourselves when we feel down and listen to music that we know will have us thinking about somebody we miss or love. Why is that? We all the self inflicted damage don't we.
Maybe its good for us , like they say its good to cry and show our grief at a funeral.
Think I'll write a white paper on the subject and call it "The breaking down of the emotional bottle-neck Syndrome".
Just like too much traffic, be it transport or binary data we always end up with a bottle-neck.
And the only way to get away from it is to open the pipes up in data terms, widen the road for transport and for us..?Bottle-necks can actually require system shut downs..then you reboot and rebuild the infastructure, which is what I fancy what we also have to do. And that isn't always easy..

Ok, not sure we managed to get to emotional bottle necks as i started writing about a concert and a trip. It's SoS I suppose, an ironie in itself..a call for help indeed when Single on Sunday..

Anyway, I've managed to not call some people that I promised myself i would do them a favour and let them get on with their lives.They sometimes haunt every step of my 2 hour walks but I will let them go however painful and dare I say it in the long run I we will all be better off for it. But its not easy to let people go, alive or dead to be honest.
My grandmother passed away four years ago to the day. Beaten one evening in an old peoples home and to die a week later from internal bleeding, she apparently died of natural causes...
Is this how we want to pass away? She lived through the Great war , she watched her husband get shipped to Burma to fight the Japanese and return a different man only to pass away from all the deseases he had picked up in the jungle do the right thing for the World at war and she was probably one of many who believed the moon was actually made of cheese and that we would never get a man walking on it. Now I'm back about talking about The Police,"Walking on the Moon"..

Been a long weekend, bodies in pain but feeling good. SoS hasn't been so bad and friends have been made.


Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The miracle of wireless..

Despite having travelled around the country I have to admit this is the first time I've actually used wireless internet and its fairly amazing, isn't it.
I feel we take things for granted so much nowadays, like my typo's, worst..worse..etc..
No, but seriously, isn't it amazing just have fast communication has become. Only a few years ago the concept of being able to have vid comm between two pcs wasn't possible, and now its old hat.
Without sounding like a dinosaur but I was brought up with large red public payphones and Bakelite home phones that took an age to dial the number.Internet didn't exist apart from the US Intelligence and the BBC computer was "all that"...So sitting on a train that has an average speed of 200k's with a perfect internet connection that gives me the possibility's to read websites and bloggs written in the amazonian jungle live time is a fairly amazing jump forwards.
And, I feel it is only a start. A friend of a friend is now working like a busy little bee on holographs with the only downfall that when the wind blows the particle matters kinda get disturbed. So I reckon within three years projectors and large screen TV's will also be oatcake and instead replaced by modules that throw up a holograph image, probably with touch screen availability.

Ok, on a personal note I feel there are negatives. Especially for a group which don't reap any of these benefits, the deaf and blind (blind more)..And then whats gonna be the backlash?
Although saying that I sit here with ipod on max and reading my mails from work as well as the internet.Sure, I also have a book with me that I could read, but haven't as I feel its the wrong environment.Which option would you take?

I hope we can all keep a balance and still retain some of the more genuine aspects of life away from mobiles, the Internet and everything else that has juggernaut ed through our civilisation over the recent years.


Sunday, August 19, 2007

weekend warrior

I never thought I'd actually be getting changed and put into elite matches at 40, but thats the way the cookie has crumbled and so far, 80 minutes last week and 15 minutes on saturday I have managed to survive.Thats what its about now, ironically the worst injury has come from sleeping wrongly and waking up with a very sore neck..that was two weeks ago!

Well, another single sunday has come and gone. Tends to make you feel like you wanna be in a relationship so you can also walk around , hand in hand with the "planned" sunday walk and look in the through the windows of estate agents and fantasise about buying property together. I always find it quite depressing looking at the house prices escalate and at the same time always felt it a risk to take out a mortgage with someone.Seems more binding than getting married, possibly because bank contracts carry more respect and in the modern day more binding than Church contracts...

Good house party yesterday managed to send me home early , too much German booze which we all feel is spiked with laxative..wouldn't surprise me if the Germans knowingly did that as a revenge for losing "u know what"..
It was the right idea to head home then as opposed to going all the way down town just to realise that your too drunk to attract or pick up anyone anyway.As we read in the "game", best way to pick up is to go out sober and move in like a shark on inebriated players..Not ready for that yet anyway, so its the monastery for a while me thinks.
Worst aspect just now is having friends who are woman who you find have the characteristics that you find attractive, but know they're off limits. The enclosure of my closure is still in full swing.
This has actually been a bonus with regards to getting back out and jogging to kill sitting on my Tod and feeling a victim. This I find very easy.
After X time I suddenly realised that I have to move on and sort out the flat. It feels like I'm waiting for someone else to come along and help me out..the realisation that this isn't gonna happen has set in.As has the realisation that there are certain people who I always contact but they rarely contact me.There is a reason for this, just haven't managed to wake up and smell the coffee. Once again, the cleaning of the closet is taking far more time than it should and at least I'm finally become more and more aware of this situation.

So looking ahead it would be nice to meet someone who has the same mutual interest. Too many rejections are not a good thing.Too many friends of the opposite sex is also not a good thing.Locking yourself away and thinking that people will come to me, is also not a good thing.
The winds of change are on the way, and once again that corner that I have written about previously is still looming but I still haven't turned it.The reason being I have decided not too.

There are many whom I know who are planning to hook up in the autumn. Sounds nice. Maybe by then I'll have finally walked far enough to reach the crossroads which I've been walking towards for way too long. It's been a definite case of one step forward, two steps back and at this point in time I feel as if I'm in a similar place to where I was this time last year..Dammit!

So it's time to get some planning and follow them up. Within two weeks I will be in France with the National squad, this week I will be Stockholm with a very important meeting and on top of that there are things to be done.

I would be the first to admit that it would be nice to see a change happening sooner than later with regards to the situation that I keep myself in.Some would say its easy , just change.But this situation is the result of the past 25 years, and that's not so easy just to change.

We shall see..

Thursday, August 16, 2007

First game since....

Wow, the summer seems to have come and gone...well, the weather has been predictable considering we're killing our own planet.
I haven't been writing for too long, not sure why to be honest. Not much has changed...well, thats a lie actually.
Since the kidney stone the training went down as well as the coffee drinking. Stop smoking full time as well. My short term relationship came to an end like "Bat out of hell", except it was a car and not a motorbike. Come to think about it , there wasn't a bat involved either.

For some insane reason the purchase of an ipod got me ack out running laps around the local running track.Think its the weather and just a very good reason to avoid sitting in the sofa and trying to throw things at the tv due to the lack of anything really constructive on it. It has been awesome just plugging in and jogging for 60 minutes a time. No idea what people think when they hear me singing away whilst running in the dark, around and around...But who cares what people think...

Like Balder lifes been really up and then down with regards to feeling touchy things, which obviously I try and avoid. Still haven't really cut the umbilical chord to the breakup which is why I stay in my cave and occasionally go out for a run.
The highs have been great, with two visits to friends who have country houses which is really good to wind down , especially in good company.Some friends have been really there for me, even though I can count them on one hand I know they care and thats nice.

Anyway, I wont be away now, I'll be blogging as usual. There are several updates that have to be scripted as well as pathways not taken, pathways ignored and pathways being walked right now.

Some things haven't changed, but I suppose the heart and soul have a way of telling you to get on with it, in my case it was a kidney stone. Morphine anyone?

Script later

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Ever too old for "Players"?

"Players..".. that word I have to admit has only ever crossed my path before from woman's conversations with regards to men.I have always been very oblivious to the whole concept as I haven't been in the position to note them and indeed ever had to care about it either.
However, the world is a changing place and tonight I had a conversation with someone who I know well who admitted to being a player. "She" is a player, and used the old adage that she was forced into this position due to her history with men previously..well, yes indeed.Bad excuse.
But this is frightening when I still haven't really taken a step out and into the ocean we call night life. With this new information my wires are crossed and what paranoid I would have liked to have left behind is back with a vengeance.
Something else which I'm sure you'll agree on that none of us enjoy is being pulled over the same "Kant".. The amount of times I have been told who I am as all men are like that really turns Mr hand into Mr Fist. I suppose this is the first step when a lassie decides to take revenge on us damn men and becomes a player.
I've already had more than one and thats more than enough to be Frank, but whose Frank?

Looking on the rather large and bright side of things the Stockholm tens is on its way and I'm once again turning out with a good bunch of guys who will try and once again win the tournement for those of us over the 35 mark.
I was out and about scouring the sales and found some cool clothes for 70% off today so hopefully if we mix and match then I'll be able to see what all the fuss is about at the tens and around Stockholm. For those of you who have read my previous posts you'll already understand that I wont be getting up to anything for thats the way i am, but maybe I should throw a line out into the sea and see what bites...yeye, sure, whatever..

To be honest, I'm still caught up with someone else so I'll have to go through that "closure" first before I go anyway which kinda suits me quite well just now I suppose. Trouble is, It's one of those troublesome closures that isn't as black and white as I'd like, too many open questions and feelings still wrapped up in the whole deal. More like a bad version of "Joseph and his technicolour ed dream coat" sounds more like the Scenario I have managed to build around myself..
And of course, there are new actors in this drama on a weekly basis so its gonna be a time before the dust settles. As I mentioned , with the tens and a bunch of ten plus other players I should be able to remove the focus...I said should, I mean hope...

Blog has been fairly quiet recently as I'm once again taking care of my two sons, which is as always amazing fun and I think I can safely say there is nothing better than hearing them laugh for hours, grin factor of ten..

So, just to wrap up for today and to give you an idea of where I am, at the moment I'm listening to "Bridge over troubled water"..get the idea...shoot me..please..shoot...

Sunday, July 22, 2007


Just went past saturday and into sunday and the phone is dead.As usual at the weekends, it usually wakes up on monday and tuesday when people have done their thing.

Today was a mad spree of buying DVD's on rea, including some real classics to try and introduce my sons to music, including a dvd I'd never seen before, AC/DC live in '77 in london, the latest Bob Dylan documentry by Scoresese and of course a double doc on Jimi Hendrix. They of course just looked at me and stated that Dad always likes the oldie dvds and films, however there was a glimpse of hope when the eldest mentioned something about a guitarist who had died..
This of course led onto a discussion regarding vomit, barbituates and rock legends like Janis Joplin , Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Bon Scott etc...
I suppose it's all individual but I find it amazing how these bands and legends just plugged and played through very basic equipment and most of them, unlike today, could perform live without backup tapes and effects which like modern movies have become more important than the scripts and actors performance. The classic "we'll just add it after we shoot" wasn't really available which makes live performances of Joan Baez and Bob Dylan at the Freemont folk festival a marvel to watch as Baez stands at least a metre from the mic but still unleashes an amazing tone.
I don't feel this has anything to do with age either, as I'm too young to have been around then, just appreciation for the real deal and not the modern crap that graces the airwaves nowadays which I of course appreciate in a different way, as I can see it for what it is and what it will leave behind.
As they say, todays newspapers are tomorrows fish and chips papers, simple but very true.

I've got a subscription to Newsweek now and its all rather depressing reading as well as enlightening.Seems like Putin has done a 180 and has been annoyed by the US of A and wants to be on the same level as them in regards to the superpower stakes.It's always more interesting to read whats happening past your doorstep and the local and national papers seem to put more effort and time into finding out which member of Robinson was raped when they where out or who had silicon implants and how it improved their chances of getting fucked under a blanket on national tv..all very frikken sad I'm afraid.

Anyway, its late and time to hit the sack,


Thursday, July 19, 2007

easy skankin'

My sons are walking around in tears in the flat..but from a brutality that we call reality humour, they are watching "Borat" and it fills a wonderful void to hear them laugh so much that they actually shed tears..
I couldn't watch it, but will try at another time..I can also recommend a rather oddball humour called "Napoleon Dynamite"..

Anyway, I'm planning a nostalgic Bob "easy Skankin" Marley sit down at some point. I dare you not to want to skin up after logging into and listening to his early concert(Music Hall Boston, MA06/08/1978 Early Show) that you'll find in the vaults and under performers..Head has been either filled with Bob all day and it gives the a new word for positiveness to the old body language..and of course you wanna join up and join his religion..a 9 minute version of Jammin' keeps me going all day..

Tonite I got a nice comment made, "best father in the world". reason being was the fact that I not only take my kids to large play parks but I get up and climb around with them for hours. I did manage to fall on my ass as my newly 10 year old challenged me on a plastic rotating log...he won of course as the other parents stared on amused at the competitiveness between us, how many arm pull ups on the bar, how long can you hand and finish off with the adventure course which was designed for the slightly "little people"..Awesome and a good reason to keep your shape and interest when you have children.

I actually changed that today, I don't have children anymore, I have called for the obvious reason that they change with age, the weather and any other peripheral.All good.

Life's being good just now. There are reasons which I've decided not to over complicate and analyse until the next time we get 40 days of rain. Rumour is the weather is gonna be great tomorrow, regardless its gonna be a great time with the "wee ones" for the next 7 days!

Other news..just bid on a Rockman. Time to set up a guitar and play thru a Rockman Solo, once a revolutionary peice of equipment but now simply analog and not digital enough for the new generation.If your interested in what a Rockman I suggest you wikky it.
Up and coming trips include London, Lyon and next weekend the Stockholm tens for the tournament.Fitness aint so hot just now so the plan is to go running from saturday and onwards and get some of the Kol Cobwebs out the lungs and hit some "mainly free weights".

Hope your all enjoying the summer on offer, with a grin factor of 10 outta 10 it would take a lot not to enjoy it!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Pink F's, "Time" a summarise of Island Harmony

Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but youre older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the english way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought Id something more to say

Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
And when I come home cold and tired
Its good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells.

Monday, July 16, 2007

An Island called Harmony...

In this crazy time we call summer , suddenly Harmony returns after many months of confusion and the feeling of running dunes.
3 days away on an island I'll call harmony, mainly for reasons that don't have to be explained but a situation that natural impulses changed anyway.Feels like the wind is definitely back in the sails and we're heading back to port.
Sometimes the dreaded feeling of never reaching the light at the end of the tunnel is suddenly rewarded by something more special and thats what the past few days gave, something special.
And sure, sometimes things do take longer to understand and put into perspective and certain situations or other dimensions give you a foresight you haven't had before.
Now its like sailing a boat in the eye of the storm and despite the calm you wonder what will happen next.
I miss some people. They are special.So that has to be addressed.
Been more ups and downs this year than any other I can remember and there is a definite change in what has become important or not as the case may be. The cutting of various ties has been a very positive move in the right direction and one I should have done earlier. So much time and effort and for what? I suppose the answer is for myself.

So, new friends made, good times and thinktank filled.
Two weeks to go before the 10s and old boys , so its time to get back to the laps and hopefully to retain the cup from last year.Always good times meeting up with the players from the past.
Then a trip to London to do interviews for assistant roles which should be interesting.
And finally a trip has to be planned for a holiday which hasn't really been on the cards due to the kidney Stone and the kids.

There is a awful lot I could write about the weekend but I don't feel words suffice, basically you had to be there and it was an experience that will be the end of one thing and the beginning of another.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

jabba, the x2 tardis and a whole lot more positives..

fookin ell...get on the X2 today , find my seat only to notice I couldn't find it due to the fact that someone was taking up two, despite her ticket stating 10, she managed to run over onto 11 Gång...and then the strench...

Got a good pal who has been real good company over in Milan, apparently her bag never made the same flight as she did so unhappy...

Really good to have some good 'uns picking up the dog n bone and contacting me on the train today.

X2 2 08 and back,
aint too fat
gotta slack on the sugar and food,
Fuckin Amateurs Dude!

G67 Buster ryhmin'

yeye , anyway I was on a mission that went well, siffin thru 26 Cvs for a job post.
Food was in a really nice Italian rest. on Sveagatan, 500 meters down from hard rock café.
Di Mare pasta was awesome as was the salad and paid by Big brother of course, if its free it's for me..but of course, nothing is ever free and thats one thing you gotta work out, your own value!
Personally speakin', I'm cheap as chips, or have been for way too long.

Book tip from train trip; The tipping point by Malcolm Gladwell/non fiction and Int.bestseller

Rain is still fallin in Gbg but 08 was hot and sunny, no fun to sit on an x2 and head for the eye of the storm.I noticed this as the x2 proudly showed 196km/h in diode lamps and the rain lashed down on the windows. Jabba had got off by by this time.

It's odd when you travel too and from in the same day and at the same time touch base with people from all regions. felt like I'd been away a week when I unlocked the door to home, but its also a great feeling when you just crash on the sofa..until the phone rings again that is and it's back to planning..

Things are feeling really good just now, more positives than negatives and you can't really lose if your on that side of the fence anyway (until the neighbour catches u..)

This weekend and an invite to an old mate, gonna b a Pripps Blå job. Weekend booked anyway and after today more calender days booked up with trips to England, Marseille Prt II and then of course I'm looking for another holiday romance with myself and a diary.

All Positive!!

Monday, July 9, 2007

Projects 2007 Prt II Myself

Last year, and already written in another post, I set off to Crete on my own.

In my single state it looks like I'll be looking for another adventure in the same way. I promised myself I would never do it again, but as this year has had more swings and roundabouts than "Balder" , I actually think it may be okay this time as I haven't just gone through a break up.
That break up was expensive in more ways than way on a human plain which indeed led me to another plane.

I have learned lessons throughout though, and now I'm racking up the types to stay away from. It's like reading an A-Z...control, jealousy, ego, selfish, mood swings- and that was just me..

You ever noticed that you have a tendency of looking around quite a bit at the opposite but not in a leching way, I feel its more of a curiosity wondering if they could be the next one.Questions, questions and not so many answers. Its a cluster F***k.

So, the plans are afoot for some new projects:

Painting.. thats right, I'm gonna have a shot and if it all ends up in tears you'll probably be able to buy an NJ original at myrorna in the future for 20kr for the frame..
First painting is already titled and called "Blue in green"..
Now if this fails due to cost (sic) then I may have to continue on the B/w which I'm still doing and set up the darkroom to get some large pics.

Basically I have to fill the empty voids in the flat and so far only the hall and kitchen have something hung.

On top of this, I have also decided to follow up my lasting plan of scripting for either a film or documentry and I have finalised the plan for a short documentry film. As I have some people who can help me on this it could end up an interesting project.
Without giving out too many details, it encompasses a sport I'm involved in , as well as a trip but the twist will be more the human aspect than the sport. The title will be along the lines of , For King and Country or similar.I'm really excited at the prospect of this project as I have worked in film previously and really have a passion for it, as well as some ideas which I hope can be put on camera. I'd also like to mix the filming with not only digital, but 8 mm / 16mm and try and get some genuine feeling on the white screen. Luckily, there are grants available and that is what I will be looking at to help the project.

Tv still sucks and now sits on a dustbin..(seriously) I've started to decorate the living room in a way that reflects my lifestyle and hopefully it will be original. minimalistic, not tacky-just different and of course, cheap for the other projx.
However, funds permitting the best thing would be to get a flat screen up on the wall and use it for the laptop as well..maybe when the weather gets even worst than it is nowadays.

I suppose you never know unless you challenge yourself, it has been successful before and I'm fairly confident I'll manage to get at least one project going before the end of the year.

Keep you posted

or Not...

After a MASSIVE flurry of letters not to kill Bill (the blog..) I have decided to do a few more entries.
You see , the break has been interesting, as well as some of the abuse received regarding how I don't put more feelings out here for all to read and the fact that I write in such a way that one has to deduce things for themselves and yes, read between the lines.
And when it comes to the touchy, feely part..well I feel there are limits, those who get more from within the 9 circles get in in written form.

Here comes an example:

What has struck me over the past weeks is the fact that for many years I have been informed how to make my heart, which is as we all know, just another muscle, how to improve itself in a cardiovascular way which in turn makes me feel better, fitter and of course manages a Cooper test within the 14 minute mark.
So, lets just presume for a wee sec, that one was to fall for someone big time. How come the muscle, the heart, how can it get "heavy" when you carry that around for a while and maybe never reach the destination you want too? Is it a simple case that the stress factor , worry, anxiety etc... simply cramps the crap out of your pump? That would answer the scientific boffs.
And then you see, if you have and still are training the pump, how come that "heaviness" still takes over regardless.
So, basically, how can we manage to give someone a piece of our heart, when indeed its only a cardiovascular pump machine that you can push to the limit running the spinning cycle hard?
Hmm..where is the tie between nostalgic/sentimental/mood fitting music and the heart? I mean, it isn't the brain that gets heavy, right? You feel it in the heart.
Some would argue that old couples who have been married for a while and loose a partner can actually die of a broken heart and will to win. So where is the "Will" DNA string?

Looking at it on a scientific level I could only guess that it's got something to do with some chemicals and stress hormones that give you those really deep anxiety feelings that make it feel like the old ticker is heavy. I feel some people may be immune to this actually.

So, for the sake of an argument I have been having this for a while.
Feelings?Just about one out of five songs I listen too kicks in a feeling.
Every move that is made, everything feels as if its for one purpose, but I couldn't tell you what that is. And maybe thats the way to go, not to over complicate but accept that sometimes the present is the present and there is no point in looking too far ahead as you may be disappointed.
I'm past that point.So despite knowing that the future 'aint orange (see ad) , I manage to keep those cramps logging up the time in the muscle we call the heart. It's 90 percent mental, 10 percent physical, right??Well, doesnt feel like that so then we're back to that enigma.

Think about it, read between the lines, how do you feel with a heavy heart, can you explain the feelings or just a bunch of clichés that phase away after the first three months?When I have an answer for the genuine parts (O.E.M) then we can discuss feelings, until then its between me and the person causing the heart flutter/murmur, which I'm told usually results in a heart attack!

Ironically we become illogical and resort to a more creative lifestyle...true or false?

Monday, July 2, 2007


Its time to kill the blog.

I'm off to Denmark on a mission.

I've decided to let the sand scripts hang for 24 hours.

Hope you enjoyed reading some of the posts, hopefully some of them made you laugh whilst others made you scratch your head and wonder when Miss Marple was gonna come Exit Stage Right and help some of the mystery's..


Saturday, June 30, 2007

With age...etc..

..comes responsibilty..or thats what I tried to convince myself having just posted a letter and hearing the glorious sounds of "Slayer" playing from the frihamn in Gothenburg. A favorite band since 85 when I met them in a record store on Princess Street in Edinburgh, and now my evening was booked with making pancakes for 6 hungary kids who had been hanging at Liseberg all day and ended it in a game of football.

In under a weeks time the remains of The Who are playing at Globen...maybe that would be worth watching, as well as a tour of "The Police" and of course ticnet was visited and a ticket booked for the return of "Rush". But to miss "Slayer" in my home town hurts and actually follows my bad luck with missing them, twice before I've missed them due to broken bones and operations..Oh well, hopefully there will be another time but we're all getting older and none the wiser..(although even this time my knee popped and over extended on thursday...coincidence?)

Its a sleepover and the boyz are moaning and groaning at a part in a film they're watching with the main couple making these boyz will change sooner than later..All three are tweenys are their rejection and disgust of the opposite will soon flourish into the question regarding woman being from mars or venus..
My own existence returns to normal on monday after two and a half weeks of having my sons and the first part on the agenda has already started by the removal of names from my phone book. The next part will be to try and return to a more wholesome being as opposed to a "hanging on" as this has been the form for too long.

Somebody kicked started a chain reaction by turning 180 on me and this was also raised in a conversation with a friend this afternoon over coffee. Turning the page.

Looking forwards to it!

Friday, June 29, 2007

synchronicity and the End of Gonzo67?

Contemplation of killing the Blog came up unexpectedly.

The entire soul of the blog is a synchronicity;

'It's very good jam,' said the Queen.
'Well, I don't want any TO-DAY, at any rate."
''You couldn't have it if you DID want it,' the Queen said. 'The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday--but never jam to-day.
''It MUST come sometimes to "jam to-day,"' Alice objected.
'No, it can't,' said the Queen. 'It's jam every OTHER day: to-day isn't any OTHER day, you know.''
I don't understand you,' said Alice. 'It's dreadfully confusing!
''That's the effect of living backwards,' the Queen said kindly: 'it always makes one a little giddy at first--
''Living backwards!' Alice repeated in great astonishment. 'I never heard of such a thing!''
"--but there's one great advantage in it, that one's memory works both ways."
''I'm sure MINE only works one way,' Alice remarked. 'I can't remember things before they happen."

''It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards,' the Queen remarked.

Carl Jungs favorite one liner from through the looking Glass, and of course Jung being the old boy who originally developed the definition of "synchronicity".

So, I've been doing enough Abductive reasoning over the past 5 months......
lets end on da man,Dalai L,
"I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path."

Time for a rebuild

Plans are now afoot to finally put the mc back together with the idea to sell.

Over the past couple of weeks I feel there have been several changes with regards to planning the short and long term as well as financing projects on the go. Sweden is the worst place in the world if you wanna ride a frikken MC, the insurance is a joke, the roads are lethal and they advertise more cameras all the time. I've ridden since I was fourteen for the soul purpose of speed. Never been interested in cruising around or long distance, then I'd rather sit in a car with a decent stereo and coffee cup holder having a yarn with someone.
Nope, its all about adrenalin and speed and you just can't do it without forever being scared of getting trapped by a speed gun, helicopter or road camera and on top of that you pay such stupid amounts for insurance unless you own a very heavy and slow bike, then its ok.

So, now I'm feeling the age and falling into perhaps a crisis concerning age I'm considering selling out to a bicycle and work on fitness. But forget the pants and helmet , it aint gonna happen.

At the same time I've been scouring everywhere looking for paintings to hang in my flat, and I just can't find anything big and bright enough that I like enough to hang.
So this evening I watched a documentry about Klimt and decided to give it s go myself. Can't be that hard to put paint to canvas..Why not. Although...maybe photography would be easier...
I will have to decide which period I'm in...or maybe thats for others to decide. Will I fail and get back to the spanners and wrenches and keep the bike..for those who know me you have probably already guessed correct..

However, what it does show is interest outside the usual which has been more a thorn than anything. I'm also getting the distinct feeling that I'll have a lot of time on my hands.

I'll keep you posted.

Soon its time to pack the boyz back north and then come back to the void. Time doesnt stand still after all..

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

I've been in relationships were it was considered weird when I watched any film in black and white.Obviously I don't include Woody Allen films, that always ended up in discussions about how disgusting he was and no more argument. So I watched the great master of films on my own.

Since moving over to Sweden and getting older I've realised that I have a bad habit of looking on the website and buying films I adored when but a young kid. Then I convince my own boyz that they really want to watch dads favorite films from nineteen oakcake.
The comments are priceless as well as the timing of them.Sometimes I forget its the MTV generation versus "The 39 Steps" .

The battle of Britain
Comment; Dad, its crap, just loads of planes flying around all the time...
Chitty Chitty bang bang
Comments; please fast forwards when they start singing...again..
priceless moment and apt; whilst the woman in the film is singing and dancing with her "dates" kids on the beach the youngest comes out with;
"leave them alone, she's not their mother"....
and last but not least;
"Why are the men wearing make-up, did men do that when you were young..."

I decided to punish them big time by making them sit through a dreadful edition of Gulliver's Travels with Ed Harrison..I was forced to switch it off and put on Scrubs instead.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Liseberg, Liseberg and more Liseberg...

"Gooble gobble, gooble gobble, we accept her, we accept her, one of us, one of us!"....

As I have stood and waited and waited and waited at Liseberg for two rather excited boyz the above resounded around my head despite being plugged in to my ipod and the MOS annual of 2003,Dee Dee's version of freedom...
I've met many people in my term who confess themselves as "Starers", which is to say they can simply be amused by staring at people all day. Well to them I say Liseberg is thou Nirvana.
Liseberg camping ground can't be too far away and this was fairly obvious..don't feel I need to explain how and why.
One fascinating scene was rather attractive milfs with optional tattoo and pram, walking around in high heels. How can this be done? The first thing I do when contemplating Liseberg is to change into sports shoes, but high heels..Holds the shape anyway..
Then of course due to the fact that it was midsummer's day it was delightful to have a salad or something healthy.But of course, this wasn't possible. Chicken wings with fries, eat as much pizza as possible, comics hamburgers, waffles with cream and jam..Get the point. This was mirrored by the increasing size "3 XXL" sizes seen wobbling around..scarey...yeye
Just hope the kidney stones didn't get too upset with the overdose of cotton candy, soft ice cream and all the rest of the Liseberg experience.Kids love it though.

Anyway, back to "Freaks".
Now, you'd think that after all the grouching about today's films etc.. you'd be used to just about everything and anything. But there are some films that really , genuinely leave their mark, and "Freaks" was one of them, along with Hitchcocks' classic "Psycho" and "Erazerhead".
This script and film was made in 1932. I wouldn't watch it again if I was paid. But that one line became synonymous and suddenly, after the third lap of the park, came to play. I laughed out loud and realised people probably thought the same of me..

Read on;
"Freaks" tells the story of a trapeze artist named Cleopatra (played by Olga Baclanova) who marries a sideshow midget, Hans (played by Harry Earles), for his inheritance.At their wedding reception, the other "freaks" resolve that they accept Cleopatra in spite of her being a "normal" outsider, and hold an initiation ceremony, wherein they pass a massive goblet of wine around the table while chanting,
"We accept her! We accept her! One of us! One of us! Gooble gobble, gooble gobble! One of us! One of us!"
The ceremony frightens the drunken Cleopatra, who reveals that she has been having an affair with Hercules, the strong man, and begins to mock the freaks and pours out the wine all over the circus performers; despite the revelation of being humiliated, Hans remains with Cleopatra.Shortly thereafter, Hans is taken ill (presumably from having to much to drink at the wedding feast, but actually from poison that Cleopatra slipped him) and Cleopatra begins slipping poison into Hans' medicine to kill him so that she can inherit his money and run away with Hercules.
One of the circus performers overhears Cleopatra talking to Hercules about the murder plot, and reveals it to the other freaks and Hans; in the film's climax, the freaks attack Cleopatra and Hercules with guns, knives, and various edged weapons, hideously mutilating them (and possibly killing Hercules; he is not seen again). The film concludes with a revelation of Cleopatra's fate: Her tongue cut out and her legs hacked off, she has been reduced to performing for children as "the human duck."
The original ending of the film had the freaks castrating Hercules, who would then be reduced to a soprano opera singer for the rest of his career. However, this segment was removed after negative reception in early screenings
Spliced throughout the main narrative are a variety of "slice of life" segments detailing the lives of the sideshow performers. The vignettes, while not advancing the main narrative, drive home the point that the physically malformed freaks are just as human as their non-malformed co-workers:
• The bearded woman, who loves the human skeleton, gives birth to their daughter.
• Violet, a conjoined twin whose sister Daisy is married to one of the circus clowns, herself becomes engaged to the owner of the circus. (In a risque moment, Daisy appears to react with sexual arousal when Violet is kissed by her suitor, implying that each sister can experience the other's physical sensations.)
• The Human Torso, played by Prince Randian, in the middle of a conversation, takes his own pre-rolled cigarette and lights it, using only his tongue.

Note: The freaks acting in the film were the real McCoy and not actors..this made things rather too unbritish and the film was banned for thirty years in the UK.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Midsummer and the scam of the century...Part IV

As I walked back from "Spiderman 3" I turned and mentioned I could smell rain was coming.

The answer I got back was one of scepticism.

It can't just be me , I thought. You must have smelt that freshness in the air before the rain arrives, you can almost feel the moisture filling the cubics..

Waking up this morning and I heard it first before I saw the greyness of the skys. All those busy bees working hard to make sure the party works must have been gutted. The frogs around the pole were gonna be drenched and there is something very uncool about holding umbrellas. Never hold them unless its out of manners for the opposite.I'm more a hat / Cap person or just get wet.

It was classic Highland style and despite the speed of the cumulonimbus it was obviously gonna stay around and last out the day.So plans are chabged accordingly and 6 hours of laundry goes ahead , and of course with this the question marks started in the greymatter.

For a start, who invented the following appliances;

laundry washing machine

Oven / cooker

Dish washing machine

It dawned on me today just how much we managed to reatin the small feet closer to the cooker.

House Wife. Awesome, well done warriors of the planet.(that would be us guys..)

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna burn a bra and I don't have bitch tits (yet) but after 6 loads of laundry, breakfast , lunch and a Chicken Tikka Masala all for three of us , as well as three shopping trips you kinda wonder when you have time for anything else.

As I don't have washing machines for either clothes or dishes this adds to the work and of course if you go out of this generations paradine box and actually make food that consists of more than pasta and sausages you use a lot of utensils.
So my point is that my mother, who held down a full time job and was also a part time house wife must have done more laps than Conan.
So we forced the title and it stuck and what we (male gender) have managed to produce with the evolution of the house wife, especially in case study of Sweden, are very good planners due to the fact that they normally have to plan for their "stories" on Tv so now we have transformed woman into the ultimate project leaders and managers as they are so effective.

Point being, I would never want to be a bleedin' houseman/wife as it's easier going to work at the very least for the social aspect.
But its all in the foundations that is changing, no shit the Awakening is gonna happen one day for real and I'm getting practice.

Ok, its been a long day and I have a bra to steal and burn...

Hopefully you have all done the Tradional midsummer fling, which is to say pretend it's about strawberries and cream, sill och Potatis and more importantly the neat spirit shots (where one can be really pretentious and get different tastes and after throwing one back discuss if it was nice..)and then get the hundreds of long slim green bags filled with white wine, red wine, bagnbox and tons of beer..cos it's all about a tradition and celebration of midsummer..
Bit like the santa thing and shopping..
I'm only jealous of course, I'd love to be tipping the box to get the last squirt and ending up at 4 in the morning on the last left beers, 2.8 pripps that nobody touched till all the piss was drunk.

Always an interesting read tomorrow regarding the aftermath..

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Another day in the life of...

...and I'm not writing about a very good book by Ryszard Kapuściński.

The sword in the stone, well not quite. The stone in the sword, pork variety sounds more like it..
And just as the Volteraine speed balls are playing "Hannibal" with my guts and once again the sun is pressing the brownies my sons finally come home, and I receive two shocks.
The first being that my eldest returns the money I gave him yesterday and says he hasn't bought anything to eat as he couldn't buy everybody something...
..and the second is the youngest is running a fever at 38,5 degrees, has a headache and is burning up with only two sandwiches in him the entire day..
The youngest is usually a wee ball of energy with comments that follow him like "he can't even walk in a straight line without bouncing off the walls", so to see him creep up into a foetus position and look preconception at turbo wastegate temperature just aint fun.

The traditional midsummer is looming and the invitations have been dropping through the door...err, NOT! Well, to cut a long story short no real surprise.And once I've been told at first hand who has been invited and how much fun it's gonna be and drop the basset hound look for a fish, I realise just where I am in the "don't forget to send him a x-mas card" conversation.
Not to worry, best plans are laid at the last minute..

No shit sherlock that today will be one to remember for different reasons. Some of those reasons can't be written, as they are locked downstairs in a basement of sorts. Lets just say that expectation and rejection mixed with realisation make for a great cocktail.

The ship which I thought had come to shore and moored has obviously had it's ropes cut and is drifting in a sea of awareness despite believing the contrary. A year after a separation and I feel it's time to take a step back to heading into the ocean of uncertainty again and wait and see what happens as to be honest I seem to have come to shore, headed for the closest grog pit and lost all bearings which I'm paying a heavy price for.Time will cover the tracks I left in the sand.

But now it's out of this poetic justice I pay for falling into every trap and cliche and not listening the first time.
Plans have to be made and followed up.Foundations of papermaché have to be dug up and replaced with concrete. Lessons have been learnt for sure.

Okay, well if your used to reading this blog your used to be thrown into the dark side of the moon, which is my name for the brain of course until you mix up a cocktail and brighten it up.
It's been a while since I had a night of Masi and its about Masi time again.

Trust me, despite the stones, the fevers and all the rest, things are on the up and depsite the scripting sounding negative its only to move up and on.

Huge Positive is the new inclusion of a painting in the kitchen and I actually looked in Duka today AND asked for assistance with the intentions of buying something for the flat. I'm I finally a lost case?(Didn't really want to admit this but I've seen some plants I'm intending on buying...let the games begin!)

story of the Clown..

the new pic is a wee bit special..
It was drawn on ms paint by myself whilst sleeping in the same hospital room as my young son after he had a nasty operation that went wrong due to burst stitches in his throat that had a nasty effect of making him puke blood as he looked as pale as a sheet..
To add drama to drama it was drawn on the same day that my father was buried. I stayed with the living by his request.
The clown is a soft toy he received by my mother when he was born and which he still has but has ended up hidden behind the games, dvds and cds of his modern present time.
He asked me to draw him something, so I did so, a magical soft toy clown that walked out of the hospital and into sunnier times..
I found it on a backup and it brought back some memories.

Just incase you wondered.
Maybe thats when you realise what "Dad" is all about.

DEFenseCOMmand 3

Story so far is basically my boyz came down on thursday evening , I went to hospital emergency on friday for 12 hours and now several days later I'm still on DefCom3 and ready to make an unwanted trip for morfin shot number two.
The reasons being of course that something is definitely rotten and it isn't in the state of Denmark.Not sure if its the Volteraine speed balls every three hours but something is definitly not the full picnic basket and I haven't shot any pellets yet in the great white telephone.I'm sure the neighbours will know when I do..
Reading a pamplet supplied didn't really give any indications , as basically it said drink a lot of water at some point but didn't define that point and yet at the same time mentioned it was good not to drink much but cut down on the water if you hadn't shot the muskot..oops
On a more positive note , if all had been according to plan I would have been in the US of A in some desert dying so thank god it was a taxi drive to the local slaughterhouse..

Back to the Boyz, well they haven't actually been very visible. Sign of the times I suppose and just as well as I lay out on the sofa watching Led Zep Dvds. "Going to California" indeed...

They say that having children turns the boy of us into a man and for once I'd have to agree. And the downside to it all is watching them move further and further away as is the way of things.
Both have slept away the past two nights and of course been either too busy or too forgetful to phone. So much for quality time, but its a reality and of course in one way a sad one.
It is impossible to try and put into words the emotional chord and attachment you have to your own kids, when you see almost your own reflction when you look into their eyes, but it is there and the main difference is that it isn't your own reflection , just almost. They are their own person and thats an imperative to keep in mind. Mine are in my opinion still too young but once again through the generations and like the one's before they seem to grow up much quicker than we'd like them too, and yet quick enough for them. Remember that feeling as a kid, that you wanted to be older sooner than later. And now its the other way round for most of us, that we wanna return to our childhood as opposed to facing all this responsibility.Trust me when I say that some of us are still closer than others and don't mind..
Still, can't wait till they return so maybe they can take Dad downtown and point out the latest fashions for the teenyweenys. I'll expect it more to be a horrible 30 minutes looking at box covers with "World of fetma" pc games , online for only 295 kr a month..My kids know me too well for that..

So, back to the sofa and DF3. I'm falling behind with a number of things and just hoping I can get back onform asap.The earth is still rotating and its been beautiful weather,
"Oh let the sun shine down on your face.." Kashmir (Zepp at best)-live from Knebworth, just barked through the headphones ironically.

One message that has been made very clear over the past few days and has left a mark with indelible ink ,has been the fact that somewhere out there are those that do and those that don't- care. And I'm fortunate enough to have people who do and it has been an awakening with regards to those who basically don't give until they receive. Unfortunately sometimes a rude awakening but always a step towards the truth.

I'll end on typical lyric note;
Our separate paths might have turned
With every door that we opened
Every bridge that we burned
Somehow we find each other
Through all that masquerade
Somehow we found each other
Somehow we have stayed
In a state of grace

I don't believe in destiny
Or the guiding hand of fate
I don't believe in forever
Or love as a mystical state
I don't believe in the stars or the planets
Or angels watching from above
But I believe there's a ghost of a chance we can find someone to love
And make it last...


Monday, June 18, 2007

Closet clean and a clean slate

I was rather surprised recently at some events and some comments put to me regarding situations and my blogg.
One common feature mentioned by more than a few has been regarding the fact that one has to read between the lines as I never really come to the point sometimes...well of course not.
Thats for the readers to come too , the point. It's a blogg of points of view as opposed to solid foundation as I don't feel anyone should right out what the score is.
So sure, read and work out, take out what you want.The most important part is, as hercule Poirot points out, "get ze little grey cells working"..points made, if your actually made to work something out or have an opinion yourself.

With Midsummer looming and the episodes that have been happening it's about time I started looking at a clean slate as well as realising that I'm never gonna use a certain undersized suit in my closet, which is to say I have to clean it out. And I have several suits in there to go..

How come you always convince yourself that your alright and can handle situations that quite obviously effect you and that you in effect can't handle? Thats where I am, I get reminded by close friends to move on and clean the slate and yet I make a poor argument that I'm cool with the situation and know I have solid footing. Well today and after my short spell in the queit room I realise my footing is on ice at the moment and I'm just an ego massage to some and one of convenience to others. So, just like the weak character that can't shake the nikoteen problem and counter argues the effects I'm gonna have to really dig deep and stop believeing my own poor publicist on this one. Typ, "buy the book of misunderstanding yourself-an autobiography".

I was surviving for a while. Doing well actually. Planning. My god, the car journey was more important than the destination. Then I took a swerve in the car and clipped the kerb which basically has had me at the side of the road changing the spare tyre despite a buckled rim on the old Red Barchetta. Think your getting my point now. So, time stands still and the sand got stuck in the hour glass. I have to give it a shake and despite the fall out live with those decisions that have actually already been made but which I haven't accepted, just like the fact that ciggs do kill ya..

As a certain Sting sang,

Monday, I could wait till tuesday
If I make up my mind ,Wednesday would be fine,
thursdays on my mind
Friday'd give me time, saturday could wait
But sunday'd be too late

C ya all