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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Trains, planes and The Police

Busy busy but things couldn't be more hectic fun!
First things first, the knee held up at training.
Ticket found for trip to stockholm.
Police ticket stashed in bag which is still being packed at 1.38.Not sure what I'm gonna do with though, I have the sports bag and the Kavaj get up seperate.Bus trip to work will be fun, add a laundry bag to the equation and you get the idea.Last minute is always the way..chaos in order, or is that order in chaos..
Many a trip with the troops has been made and you usually pack less and less each trip.Everything with the Sticks and Crowns emblem gets packed with three training sessions in mind, as well as white board pens and a whistle.The Moleskins are packed down with all the dynamic plays which have taken many a sleepless night to script and rethink.All the required chargers and of course the alst minute panic stations always appear around the witching hour..
This time I can't find my bank dosa to pay the bills...hopefully I left it at work.
The toothbrush and razors are in , as well as an extra small towel just in case. The citadon and volteraine are packed, but mostly there for the players if required.It's a ritual and one I look forwards too everytime the time nears.
Not everybody gets here in the zone, but when you do ou understand there are more important things than the size of your bank account.

It's late. Sisters of Mercy is running the ipod dry.
eyes are getting tired now.
Last minute birthday presents are bought and sent, as well as archive letters and cd's with the hope that there is enjoyment at the other end. But whatever.
"lucretia my refection" bass line is original and awesome, check it!Floodland is the album.

Okay, one more half day at work. Then the journey starts.
13,42 x2000 Gbg - stockholm
19.30 The Police, Globen
Flight Arlanda - malmö 0605 - 0710
Flight Malmö - Marseille 0900- 12.30
Bus trip Marseille - Lyon 1300-16.00
Hotel check-in 16,30
training 17.00

Reckon its gonna be a long day on thursday, just can't beat it!

So, if I don't get back online until my return early on sunday then I'll say happy brthday to one and good luck to another, and yes it's you to another, and lets hook up to another, and good riddance to yet another.


Monday, August 27, 2007

Ice cream man...

Just remember waking up scared last night, or should I say this morning. I was having nightmares and I felt somebody was pulling me down the way from two areas of my body...I was sweating like the proverbial pig and to be honest I wasn't in any hurry to go back to sleep just in case I fell into the same dream scape.I lay there alone wondering if I should switch a light on..
And maybe that was the kick start of what has been a really "deep" kinda day. Like the song "Ice cream man" by Tom Waits the signature tune is kinda nostalgic to the point of sad and yet the song kicks up tempo and you soon forget the sad part, until the end where we return to the signature piano tune..
At certain points during the day I heard that tune and missed someone, or everyone.Someone, something or everything stirred an emotion today and it came out of the sun like a Jap Zero..

I write this as I don't consciously have anything as a dampener just now. Everything is pretty much under control, maybe once again I'm missing a certain chess piece in this game.It is a cliche I suppose, but after certain situations it feels like buying a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle and mixing it up on the table without actually knowing what the jigsaw is meant to represent.

Looking at the music I purchased from itunes you would expect that I was indeed possessed by a form last night..Benny Goodman and his big band, The chordettes "Mr sandman",Dave Brubeck Quartet version of "take the A Train" and Bye Bye Blackbird , the version by Miles D himself.
Maybe I finally got dragged around that imaginary corner that I have been waxing on about since I started scripting.

I missed her today I think. Who, I don't know.Maybe as I said, I missed anyone. maybe not.
Reality check on seven sides of the Octagon.Think I'm finally arriving at a destination that I've been heading for a while, just haven't pulled the chord and let the driver know it's time for me to get off...

Well, wait and see I suppose. I miss my kin as well and they 'aint answering.


Sunday, August 26, 2007

"sending out an SoS...."

..a famous text from the Police song " message in a bottle"..but what people haven't realized is that SoS actually stands for Single on Sunday....
Can'r believe I'm actually going to watch The Police on wednesday at the Globe in Stockholm. Ive watched Sting live and he was amazing, but the Police is a different class. Bit like when I flew back to Birmingham to watch the first reunion of Black Sabbath with Ozzy at the helm.

It's gonna be a Busy week ahead, wednesday is the concert, then thursday morning I fly down to malmö for 0705, and at 0900 catch a flight to Marseille at which point we get on a bus and head to Lyon to prepare for a National side test. Sometimes life just doesn't get better, good music, rugby and a bunch of really good people.The pressure of course is on for a win so it isn't a holiday and a lot of expectations are there as well..

This weekend was once again a comeback to the park in a match.I hadn't played on this park at thsi level since 1995 so it felt kinda strange.I survived, although the bus trip was more about keeping the alcohol level high to reduce the knocks encountered.
Sunday morning I awoke at 0630 the wrong way up in bed and fully clothed...I was hanging on the phone and I seem to remember talking to somebody and falling asleep mid sentence..
I met her today and was informed that yes indeed I fell asleep midsentence whilst calling her pathetic... but I was forgiven and managed to salvage Single sunday to some degree anyway.

Since buying my ipod I now have a tendency of enjoying a long walk.Its amazing how easy it is to kinda switch off and simply walk and think over so many different aspects of life, the unverse and everything else you get in a chicken in a basket.It is of course a double edged blade as in one way its a positive to feel your doing something consructive but at the same time you can also feel very lonely and the word "loser" can appear in neon warned.It's all about the variation in music. Music goes with moods and can also be used as a tool to switch off one mood and switching on another, as well as a tool for kicking the cache memories of yesteryears..

I always feel that people would be very surprised what I'm listening too sometimes as my music taste varies so much which is paradox when Schizophrenic as I am. Of course, looking at what that word means I would say most people are Split in their minds....It is interesting that we like to inflict damage on ourselves when we feel down and listen to music that we know will have us thinking about somebody we miss or love. Why is that? We all the self inflicted damage don't we.
Maybe its good for us , like they say its good to cry and show our grief at a funeral.
Think I'll write a white paper on the subject and call it "The breaking down of the emotional bottle-neck Syndrome".
Just like too much traffic, be it transport or binary data we always end up with a bottle-neck.
And the only way to get away from it is to open the pipes up in data terms, widen the road for transport and for us..?Bottle-necks can actually require system shut downs..then you reboot and rebuild the infastructure, which is what I fancy what we also have to do. And that isn't always easy..

Ok, not sure we managed to get to emotional bottle necks as i started writing about a concert and a trip. It's SoS I suppose, an ironie in itself..a call for help indeed when Single on Sunday..

Anyway, I've managed to not call some people that I promised myself i would do them a favour and let them get on with their lives.They sometimes haunt every step of my 2 hour walks but I will let them go however painful and dare I say it in the long run I we will all be better off for it. But its not easy to let people go, alive or dead to be honest.
My grandmother passed away four years ago to the day. Beaten one evening in an old peoples home and to die a week later from internal bleeding, she apparently died of natural causes...
Is this how we want to pass away? She lived through the Great war , she watched her husband get shipped to Burma to fight the Japanese and return a different man only to pass away from all the deseases he had picked up in the jungle do the right thing for the World at war and she was probably one of many who believed the moon was actually made of cheese and that we would never get a man walking on it. Now I'm back about talking about The Police,"Walking on the Moon"..

Been a long weekend, bodies in pain but feeling good. SoS hasn't been so bad and friends have been made.


Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The miracle of wireless..

Despite having travelled around the country I have to admit this is the first time I've actually used wireless internet and its fairly amazing, isn't it.
I feel we take things for granted so much nowadays, like my typo's, worst..worse..etc..
No, but seriously, isn't it amazing just have fast communication has become. Only a few years ago the concept of being able to have vid comm between two pcs wasn't possible, and now its old hat.
Without sounding like a dinosaur but I was brought up with large red public payphones and Bakelite home phones that took an age to dial the number.Internet didn't exist apart from the US Intelligence and the BBC computer was "all that"...So sitting on a train that has an average speed of 200k's with a perfect internet connection that gives me the possibility's to read websites and bloggs written in the amazonian jungle live time is a fairly amazing jump forwards.
And, I feel it is only a start. A friend of a friend is now working like a busy little bee on holographs with the only downfall that when the wind blows the particle matters kinda get disturbed. So I reckon within three years projectors and large screen TV's will also be oatcake and instead replaced by modules that throw up a holograph image, probably with touch screen availability.

Ok, on a personal note I feel there are negatives. Especially for a group which don't reap any of these benefits, the deaf and blind (blind more)..And then whats gonna be the backlash?
Although saying that I sit here with ipod on max and reading my mails from work as well as the internet.Sure, I also have a book with me that I could read, but haven't as I feel its the wrong environment.Which option would you take?

I hope we can all keep a balance and still retain some of the more genuine aspects of life away from mobiles, the Internet and everything else that has juggernaut ed through our civilisation over the recent years.


Sunday, August 19, 2007

weekend warrior

I never thought I'd actually be getting changed and put into elite matches at 40, but thats the way the cookie has crumbled and so far, 80 minutes last week and 15 minutes on saturday I have managed to survive.Thats what its about now, ironically the worst injury has come from sleeping wrongly and waking up with a very sore neck..that was two weeks ago!

Well, another single sunday has come and gone. Tends to make you feel like you wanna be in a relationship so you can also walk around , hand in hand with the "planned" sunday walk and look in the through the windows of estate agents and fantasise about buying property together. I always find it quite depressing looking at the house prices escalate and at the same time always felt it a risk to take out a mortgage with someone.Seems more binding than getting married, possibly because bank contracts carry more respect and in the modern day more binding than Church contracts...

Good house party yesterday managed to send me home early , too much German booze which we all feel is spiked with laxative..wouldn't surprise me if the Germans knowingly did that as a revenge for losing "u know what"..
It was the right idea to head home then as opposed to going all the way down town just to realise that your too drunk to attract or pick up anyone anyway.As we read in the "game", best way to pick up is to go out sober and move in like a shark on inebriated players..Not ready for that yet anyway, so its the monastery for a while me thinks.
Worst aspect just now is having friends who are woman who you find have the characteristics that you find attractive, but know they're off limits. The enclosure of my closure is still in full swing.
This has actually been a bonus with regards to getting back out and jogging to kill sitting on my Tod and feeling a victim. This I find very easy.
After X time I suddenly realised that I have to move on and sort out the flat. It feels like I'm waiting for someone else to come along and help me out..the realisation that this isn't gonna happen has set in.As has the realisation that there are certain people who I always contact but they rarely contact me.There is a reason for this, just haven't managed to wake up and smell the coffee. Once again, the cleaning of the closet is taking far more time than it should and at least I'm finally become more and more aware of this situation.

So looking ahead it would be nice to meet someone who has the same mutual interest. Too many rejections are not a good thing.Too many friends of the opposite sex is also not a good thing.Locking yourself away and thinking that people will come to me, is also not a good thing.
The winds of change are on the way, and once again that corner that I have written about previously is still looming but I still haven't turned it.The reason being I have decided not too.

There are many whom I know who are planning to hook up in the autumn. Sounds nice. Maybe by then I'll have finally walked far enough to reach the crossroads which I've been walking towards for way too long. It's been a definite case of one step forward, two steps back and at this point in time I feel as if I'm in a similar place to where I was this time last year..Dammit!

So it's time to get some planning and follow them up. Within two weeks I will be in France with the National squad, this week I will be Stockholm with a very important meeting and on top of that there are things to be done.

I would be the first to admit that it would be nice to see a change happening sooner than later with regards to the situation that I keep myself in.Some would say its easy , just change.But this situation is the result of the past 25 years, and that's not so easy just to change.

We shall see..

Thursday, August 16, 2007

First game since....

Wow, the summer seems to have come and gone...well, the weather has been predictable considering we're killing our own planet.
I haven't been writing for too long, not sure why to be honest. Not much has changed...well, thats a lie actually.
Since the kidney stone the training went down as well as the coffee drinking. Stop smoking full time as well. My short term relationship came to an end like "Bat out of hell", except it was a car and not a motorbike. Come to think about it , there wasn't a bat involved either.

For some insane reason the purchase of an ipod got me ack out running laps around the local running track.Think its the weather and just a very good reason to avoid sitting in the sofa and trying to throw things at the tv due to the lack of anything really constructive on it. It has been awesome just plugging in and jogging for 60 minutes a time. No idea what people think when they hear me singing away whilst running in the dark, around and around...But who cares what people think...

Like Balder lifes been really up and then down with regards to feeling touchy things, which obviously I try and avoid. Still haven't really cut the umbilical chord to the breakup which is why I stay in my cave and occasionally go out for a run.
The highs have been great, with two visits to friends who have country houses which is really good to wind down , especially in good company.Some friends have been really there for me, even though I can count them on one hand I know they care and thats nice.

Anyway, I wont be away now, I'll be blogging as usual. There are several updates that have to be scripted as well as pathways not taken, pathways ignored and pathways being walked right now.

Some things haven't changed, but I suppose the heart and soul have a way of telling you to get on with it, in my case it was a kidney stone. Morphine anyone?

Script later