...Cleaning out my closet....

Sure, reading over the past posts you've probably thought that I've finally lost the plot..again.
facts are facts, seems like it's time to clean out my emotional closet.
A couple of sms have gone out and come in and once again I face rejection from one end and an open embrace from another, and the funny thing is I reckon I'm simply one of millions who has the same dramas placed on at my front door..difference is in interpretation.

As I've already mentioned from friday evening something changed.I'm coming closer to moving around the corner.Today would be a last day with the kids for a while and I asked them what they wanted to do. They asked if I would take them to an internet cafe in town. Not really something I wanted to do but I decided to take them to their IT mecca and let them play the latest and greatest games, on the condition that we would walk there.
As usual the conversation was great despite being mostly about Bruce Lee and how poor 70's films are.
When we arrived at the cafe we thought it was closed.It looked closed but a bright neon light showed the opening hours and those lights were the brightest items to be seen as indoors it was basically a large dark room filled with pc's and the next generation swearing as their mate had blown up their tank in "battle Zone 2". As sad as it seemed, I paid the monies and gave them an hour in what I conceived as one of Dantes circles of hell.
As I closed the door behind me I noticed a sign on the door that made my heart sink;
"e-sport, sport for all"

The next hour was more proof that things were changing. To what or where I cannot say. I walked through the snow and headed into town despite knowing most places would be closed.
Whilst waiting at a railway crossing with the boom down I actually started composing a poem in my head that comprised the words; Seppucu, you, guns and fun, ain't no fun, on the run!ain't no haiku..
Poetry?
I sat in a new Cafe, built in the same building as the old Jarnia.Sure, I had walked down these streets so many times and now I felt like a complete stranger. I always hope to run into somebody that I knew from back then but it doesn't happen anymore.
I sat in silence. Listened to people around me talking about tv shows, couples or trivial pursuits.

I have to keep focusing on what is happening.Whatever it is has crept up from nowhere and is taking up a lot of time and energy.
I decided to start Tai Chi as I was feeling like I was tight.
I decided to start writing the book that I'd always wanted to start, with the first sentence cemented years ago being;
{the reason i wrote this book is simple.Everybody has a book in them, or so I heard.}
I decided to finish off the project with the dark room.
I decided to ensure that I enrolled on the refresher course for french.
I decided to start planning trips around the globe.

The list went on and on.It was time to collect the battlers in "club fetma".
I was trying to put more focus on what was going on around me but it wasn't easy.I couldn't drop the question marks.

Friends phoned in the evening and friends being friends I switched mode. Plans were laid to do 2 weeks in the States with my best friend and an acquaintance.They had booked their tickets and would be going some off road driving in the canyon, Moab and we'd kick off in Las Vegas. A busy two weeks and all of us hitting the same age.Good times ahead then.

Now it's late. Reflection time and obviously I have to start looking through the closet and throwing out unwanted items, packing down others and start looking to make space for some new items.
I mean, books, opera, poetry and a lot of reflection.
getting worried Bro.
Otherwise, and to qoute an acquaintance ;
"we call this a 40 år kris...kanske"

áyé