The brighter side of a new low..sad, real sad

Last night I experienced a new low side ever of sad! sad! sad!
Just as I had decided to sit back and start reading my new book I was beckoned over to a friends and after a wee chat accidentally got caught up watching possibly the worst program ever.

However, first and foremost could Christer and Jeanette please stand and take a Bow..Whatever made you guys decide to concede to getting involved in the "Sex detectives"...
I'd only ever seen the British version of this which was bad enough but now, with the Jantes lag ten commandments in hand I had to (? captivated..) endure the most embarrassing 40 minutes ever..
The plot was simple: Christer is a truck driver, has a pony tail that gets brushed by his wife whilst he squeals like a baby (despite full arm tribal tattoo..) and his concept of sex is simple..he doesn't have one.His record is 4-5 minutes if he can be awoken from the sofa..
His wife under interview gives him a hand shank and "its nice with a quickie...again"....
Ok, bad enough to listen and watch this but to then have two extras from "Children of the Corn" discuss what the flower pot people we're doing...my god!
We then went through the scenario of Christer becoming a sex God and being made to go down on a somewhat artificial looking vagina and also practice on an orchid having been shown by his mentor..He made a complete hash of it by first spluttering out his snus which made it look as if the virgin white orchid had shit its pants and then by nearly swallowing the petal..To watch his mentor go down on the unshaven haven (correct..plastic pubes, looked like something artificial from Hornbäch..) was too much to bear..
Then it was Jeanettes turn..
She was to stand rather timidly next to a mannequin which her mentor had attached a rubber dong too, making the mannequin resemble John Holmes..
This became even more distressing when the mentor couldn't stop laughing with his opening line "ok, lets pretend this is Christer.."...giggle giggle..followed by an interesting pan on her face which kinda showed a "I bloody wish grin...
The poor woman was shown how to do an unerotic penis massage (?) to ensure that old trucky Christer would break his record. She was also given a wee toy to add to the joy..
Basically at this point the tv should have been outside in the snow, but no. You just had to see the ending, the crescendo, the finale..would he last more than 5 minutes, would she tickle her tonsils and would he remember to remove the snus or leave something on her front bottom..

Ok, please, anyone, why would anyone put themselves through this?

so, we then see the finale..with muffled sentences like "well at least I tried" and the hand movement on the vibro toy as if it was a Black & Decker Mouse(for sanding those difficult areas..) . Pre-course was an entré of erotic massage and at this point I felt I had accidentally changed channel to "Animal Planet";"...as the walrus mounts the sea cow typ..."

As I sat there with my friend we had both hidden our faces into the sofa cushions crying shame and basically felt like a silent still shot from South Park.

I didn't think it could get any worst..but of course, this is the sex detectives..so just as you thought the sadness couldn't get sadder ole trucky Christer decided to slip outta bed after the fact whilst his pregnant wife (!!!!) slept and went to the kitchen. Now, whats this we asked ourselves. An after sex smoke perhaps, drink of water? Some quiet reflection time having humiliated himself to millions of viewers having tried to blow his wife?? You'd think so...NO. Of course not, Christer had phone sex with another woman(well, we're still discussing if it was indeed a call to the local zoo) and pulled his pudding whilst staring into his cell screen on his phone (I'm sure I heard a chimp in the background..).

Next morning she's asking for divorce, he gets on top of her , she gives him a 2 minute knuckle shuffle whilst he has a stress fit (no joke here I'm afraid) to wit we hear the sex detectives discussing the fact that maybe they have more work to do....

*suck*


I really have to get Discovery channel if I'm gonna survive, thank god I'm getting back to training, TV is just killing me and my judgements..

áyé