Prt 2, burns, eviction, reptiles and the judge...8 of 16

So there I was on crutches with my mate.
The car was buggered and so was my right foot. I had 5 boxes of Temgesic morphin based tablets and enough bandages and water to replace the gauze and bandages on my foot for the months ahead.It would be painful, as every time I moved the skin ripped and the blisters were like gold balls..

I went back to my pad only to be approached by the head of the bostadsförenningen. The girl who I rented the flat from with a second hand contract had been evicted as she hadn't paid rent for several months..despite receiving money from me every month..I had to move today.On crutches. This guy was a bastard and one day I will get my revenge.Lofas and shirts poof.

So several of my mates came around and loaded up the land rover with my stuff which was quickly packed as I'd lived out of a booze cabinet due to the consumption of "Drivers" and single out life.
I was loaned my mates flat as he lived with his girlfriend.The only question was if I had a problem with reptiles..Pourquoi?
Well, you see K* had a long history of importing and selling illegal reptiles.
His flat was 45q/m and was basically a strong hold of cages in glass and steel filled with everything from plate spiders to cobras to weirdo reptiles I don't even know the name of. He had built a large cage for two south american animals that had bear in their name.They resembled Gremlins and he warned me that they were very very strong and also made strange singing noises at all hours...fuck me, and I'm sleeping here I thought...
There is a rumour that French Foreign Legion soldiers never sleep.To ensure this in basic training the sergeants go around and bang the butt of a rifle into their face if they do. I have a simpler method to maintain the eye open at all times..Sleep in a reptile house...
And they did sing...they sounded like amplified cats when they cuddle up on your chest and murr..but this was frightening..Cute singing Gremlins who were very very strong...and I couldn't outrun a cockroach on these crutches...
I hung out with K* but it became too much when I entered the world of others who imported illegal snakes and assorted reptiles. The Alligator Snappers we're the final straw and I believe the local bike club released two into the local river where they could survive..Instead of a description I suggest you google Alligator Snappers and picture them in a tank in a dark tank in a bedroom....

That summer was basically morphine, gauze, pain and dead skin. It took around two months to grow back.No training meant basically coaching on crutches and then without crutches.
Homeless, burns, no car with no insurance, single, no ability to train and no job. It felt like the dark ages.And of course no family within a couple of thousand miles.
But I did get some serious religious thoughts and believed that a God had given me a chance.
Stranger in a strange land indeed..

The court case turned out as a joke. I still have the paperwork.
First of all, they said I fell asleep at the wheel, hence no brake marks..(The police had drawn in brake marks in their own papers!)
Remember the Englishman? He witnessed that I was so aggressive that I tried to run away from the scene of the crime..(the fire brigade had to cut me out!)
Despite the witness of the cyclists they still maintained that I had fallen asleep and could see no other reason why I veered right so quickly?? At the same time the Police put the witness forward that stated that the two cyclists had come up to the car, looked in and then gone away from the scene having seen that I was alive..
I had official paperwork from specialists stating that with 2.4 in the blood and with the shock of the burns that could not have come from the car, I was basically trying to save my life subconsciously.. They felt it was a normal thing to do under such circumstances.
Last but not least the Judge started preaching about blackouts and over consumption of booze.
I just thought back to all the midsummer's and times I'd watched Swedes doing their party trick of "drink till you drop" and basically told him so.

"Whatever you say or think, I walked home with no intention to drive! I rest my case!!"

And..so did he. 3 months, öppen anställt during the summer.

Tackarrrrrrrrrr.........

Next up on turn the page, a past tense, "Sweden prison, better than Public school"

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