..if u should go skating on the thin ice of hot life..

indeed...you'll pick up on the fact that it's "recovery" sunday and the headphones are on with one of the greatest peices of work ever made, "The Wall".

"I've got a little black book with me poems in"...

The wine has gone, the Famous Grouse Bill Mclaren Rugby 15 special addition has been uncorked and despite this it was a very mild weekend.
Birthday friday I was fortunate to be allowed the day off work and due to the fact that I've been feeling off I just took it easy and watched some comedy classics, Ricky Gervais Xtras, Grumpy olf men Xmas special and the Office Xmas special.Does make you homesick for the sense for the british sense of humour and of course slightly nostalgic.
Don't think many believed me when I said I wasn't big on birthday celebrations and the fact that I turned forty was in my mind no milestone in my Life Project.

"mamma do you think they'll drop the bomb?, Mamma do you think they'll like this song? Mamma do you think they'll try and break my balls?mamma do you think I should be a wall?"

However, due to the crisis that has been ingrained into me over the past months I felt it was my obligation to do something a bit special, so I shaved the head and headed down to the local gym for a 15 minute blast in the artificial incinirator, so I could prepare for my iminenet death of course.I came out none the better for that.

"look mummy, there's an aeroplane up in the sky..."

Birthday lunch was also to be a special , Macdonalds Mcbacon with the new frys...A classic case of " Party of one again, Mr Johnson?".Well, not really.
Day went by and to be honest the worst memory was having to pass on what I'd managed to put into myself the previous evening (see previous post)but no more on that painful account.

Then I received a surprise call informing me that some of the lads had decided enough was enough and that I was to head over to a wee party in the Ghetto for 18.00 for some rum, sodomy and the lash. That was a great surprise and it was good to feel that people actually made the effort.

"ooh I need a dirty woman, ooh I need a dirty girl"

And basically that's the most important thing for me, people who make the effort. Pressing a key into a computer to send an ecard for any occasion isn't making the same effort as going out a buying a card, signing it, buying a stamp and going to a post box.Right?
I was very impressed in the fact that I received an A4 birthday card from Hyresgästsföreningen.One of three cards received that were actually personally signed.

"I can feel one of my turns coming on, one of my bad days.."

So basically it's all about making an effort and it was awesome that some guys went out of their way to put something on. And I will return the gesture to them. My present from them was quite remarkable to say the least and can't really be explained , you have to see it to believe it.It's a photograph taking by anon at the stockholm 10's around 10 years ago.More amusingly it was nicely framed and put next to a candle so I did ask if they had prepared a wake for me.
So, Boyz nite, 42 inch screen connected to internet..,for some unknown idea Billy Idol became popular on youtube..booze ran out including the whiskey and gin and we shared some old stories and of course the horseshit came up to the knees as it should , good times. I didn't end up making it home that nite either, asking for shelter instead to avoid waking up alone..

"don't give in, without a fight,
hej you, out there on your own sitting naked by the phone,Open your heart, I'm coming home"

And that was that. I got some sms's from everybody I kinda knew would send an sms and of course some long distance phone calls were incoming and made the day. One of three members of the surviving relatives contacted anyway, maybe I missed a call...or two...

"Ive got amazing powers of observation,
and that is how I know, when I try and get through, on the telephone to you,
they'll be nobody home"
Ive got wild staring eyes
and Ive got a strong urge to fly,
but Ive got nowhere to fly too....
When I pick up the phone, there's still nobody home"

So as I predicted it was a day of reflection, some people made the effort and I suddenly joined a new number.
The text is of course from "The wall", its ongoing as I write..