The circle is now complete and its time to sit down and have a wee think...good timing with the earache and fever then.. Keeping busy is all well and good, specially when dealing with a multi facet of people..but then you start getting closer to that wall and you realise its time to flick the switch and lay back, except of course you can't as people are relying on you as you've already agreed to do this and that and that again.. With as many years as I can remember in rugby circles I'm now facing a nice wee attempt to slander my name in an agenda filled gas bottle that already exploded.Already living in a world of Escher doesn't help, the neck muscles are getting get sore looking for the final plunge of the dagger..Its weird, but after so many years in a land where one mustn't really say what one wants too, its getting to the point of fuck off muan...smee again.. With 4 training sessions a week due to a sacking, one which I had no direct involvement in despite a general all round view that rugby should be enjoyable, I suddendly sat and realised that everything basically has been completed in that subdivision in the goldfish bowl. Swedish Championship medals in 7's mens, ladies, 10s mens, 15's mens and ladies, Scandinavian sevens old boys gold, regional championship winners, stockholm 10's ladies winners and in the past few years the Pacific Masters has garanteed that I've played with the top boyz in the old boyz to win every comp I attended.Coach of the year and National side Coach for both ladies and senior mens.8 straight wins with the Team Sweden seniors and a lift from 56 to 39 in the IRB world rankings.And finally, left out to pasture at the 75th jubileum in wexio with a diploma from the SRF. Once you write it down you suddenly realise it can't be all that bad.Of course, in that time family died and memories withered away to be replaced by game plans and anxieties...which in turn manifested manic depression and finally a trip to the head doctor who had to settle with some ju-ju beads...The scars are there and nobody ever knew as it had nothing to do with line breaking or pass n drop. Obviously it was all worth it at the time and the record will show the positives.Founder of Göteborg Rugby Club, Chairman of Frölunda Rugby club when it was a tumbleweed that nobody wanted..yep, it seems to be if you can't do the time don't do the crime..I feel like the guy whose saying hes not guilty on deathrow.. ...and so the energy continues..let the record state 10 guitars build in the space of 19 months and soon I'm getting the recording software..where to next..a song I reckon, thats one of the prios at the moment..REM mixed with the sex pistols meets Bob Dylan..Music has always been the escape..music and movement...light and dark,I live my life in a world of silhouetted objects that have a persistence over time..strings and variables coming together to a bottleneck we call lifes database.. the leica sits and collects dust now..when I was single it was an outlet of existence away from the classic solless of sundays..long walks filled with over exaggerated angles and curves captured on silver film..the film is still in the camera, be interested to see what memories are captured in there..probably ones of expectation or disolussion.. ..same as this blog..started I believe the day before my birthday a few moons ago..a desperate escape that back then started a journey with somebody whose still out there..it was like a fishhook in time and space and included a bottle of wine to try and squeeze more out of the grey stuff..that has all been left a long time ago it seems..but looking back at page one and moving towards now, the present, and you find the strength in the blog.. The GONZO sign hopefully explains the ramblings..always liked the comment I recieved from people that they always felt there was more under the first layer of the scripting, the space between the lines of writing were teasing the reader..it was never intentional, it was just more than one mind working on the moment, just like now.The truth? Nobody can handle the truth, not even ourselves, as we sometimes dont always have the 100% required for that..feels like helium bubbles of truths and half truths bounce around the grey matter and burst sometimes, letting one frop down into the funnel like a Keno ball.. Its late.Theres work to be done. Don't as why or what..Don't think twice, its alright!
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