weekend warrior

I never thought I'd actually be getting changed and put into elite matches at 40, but thats the way the cookie has crumbled and so far, 80 minutes last week and 15 minutes on saturday I have managed to survive.Thats what its about now, ironically the worst injury has come from sleeping wrongly and waking up with a very sore neck..that was two weeks ago!

Well, another single sunday has come and gone. Tends to make you feel like you wanna be in a relationship so you can also walk around , hand in hand with the "planned" sunday walk and look in the through the windows of estate agents and fantasise about buying property together. I always find it quite depressing looking at the house prices escalate and at the same time always felt it a risk to take out a mortgage with someone.Seems more binding than getting married, possibly because bank contracts carry more respect and in the modern day more binding than Church contracts...

Good house party yesterday managed to send me home early , too much German booze which we all feel is spiked with laxative..wouldn't surprise me if the Germans knowingly did that as a revenge for losing "u know what"..
It was the right idea to head home then as opposed to going all the way down town just to realise that your too drunk to attract or pick up anyone anyway.As we read in the "game", best way to pick up is to go out sober and move in like a shark on inebriated players..Not ready for that yet anyway, so its the monastery for a while me thinks.
Worst aspect just now is having friends who are woman who you find have the characteristics that you find attractive, but know they're off limits. The enclosure of my closure is still in full swing.
This has actually been a bonus with regards to getting back out and jogging to kill sitting on my Tod and feeling a victim. This I find very easy.
After X time I suddenly realised that I have to move on and sort out the flat. It feels like I'm waiting for someone else to come along and help me out..the realisation that this isn't gonna happen has set in.As has the realisation that there are certain people who I always contact but they rarely contact me.There is a reason for this, just haven't managed to wake up and smell the coffee. Once again, the cleaning of the closet is taking far more time than it should and at least I'm finally become more and more aware of this situation.

So looking ahead it would be nice to meet someone who has the same mutual interest. Too many rejections are not a good thing.Too many friends of the opposite sex is also not a good thing.Locking yourself away and thinking that people will come to me, is also not a good thing.
The winds of change are on the way, and once again that corner that I have written about previously is still looming but I still haven't turned it.The reason being I have decided not too.

There are many whom I know who are planning to hook up in the autumn. Sounds nice. Maybe by then I'll have finally walked far enough to reach the crossroads which I've been walking towards for way too long. It's been a definite case of one step forward, two steps back and at this point in time I feel as if I'm in a similar place to where I was this time last year..Dammit!

So it's time to get some planning and follow them up. Within two weeks I will be in France with the National squad, this week I will be Stockholm with a very important meeting and on top of that there are things to be done.

I would be the first to admit that it would be nice to see a change happening sooner than later with regards to the situation that I keep myself in.Some would say its easy , just change.But this situation is the result of the past 25 years, and that's not so easy just to change.

We shall see..